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Latest Forum Replies

paternal rights

I very much agree with every single one of your points. I also agree child support is to see to the childs needs, i also dont think a fathers decision to have the baby should trump the mothers, i do think it should be a joint decision but if she says no he says yes her word should be final say not his. my reason for making the 'financial abortion' argument is because if you want to argue for abortion you need to also argue for the fathers side as well, you cant make an argument for abortion for the mothers, and then flip and say he should have kept it in his pants if he didnt want a baby. because it is also his body on that. as a father of 4, who pays child support for a child my ex wife refuses to let me see, and no court either in oklahoma or texas wants to enforce my joint custody order, I have to work 3 jobs just to pay for my own living expenses, my wife has to work 2 to pay our childrens expenses because with 3 jobs, working almost 15 hour days, I make just enough to pay my child support, health insurance, phone bill, and pay half the daycare costs. also because she has gone rouge and refuses to keep an address on record either with me, Texas autorney generals office, or oklahoma DHS office ( both handle child support and visitation enforcement ) nobody can serve her to recalculate my child support from the 4 grand a month i made in the army to the 2 grand a month i make now. as a direct result at 27 years old I have spent innumerable weeks in the hospital for various illnesses because my body is breaking down trying to keep up. its very real, and very wrong. yes some courts do enforce 50/50 splits, but the less time the father gets with the child the more money he pays. but the vast majority are still biased against fathers because of the age old 'men are more prone to violence' 'men are higher risk to insure because of road rage' etc etc etc. and many companies that advertise 'we fight for fathers rights in court' fail to mention they charge twice the going rate for fathers rights fights. currently everything is biased one of 2 ways, either for men and against women, or for women and against men. thats why i participate with both MRA and feminist groups because we need to come together as a whole, let MRA fight for the biased agaisnt men, let feminists fight for biased against women, but communicate with each other, because only together can you achieve true equality because like you said 'one ruling to fix them all' or something along those lines is right. women are biased in certain career fields, men are baised against in the child department. by chuck in Feminism
Tue Jun 28 6:19 PM

how far can you run?

Far enough to keep a small child from wandering into traffic or otherwise accidentally killing themselves.
Bum foot and everything.
But I can speedwalk like the wind.

Edit: also, when I could run, I hated it because I'm large chested, and had to wear two bras and an ace wrap to keep these things under control. by ladyhawk in Random
Tue Jun 28 6:12 PM

The cancer of radical sjws ruining feminism

"There's really no way to prevent someone claiming outliers, so spamming with examples achieves nothing but to dilute a discussion (which I believe was Sonics point). "

Therefore asking for examples to begin with achieves nothing. by Pikachu in Feminism
Tue Jun 28 5:05 PM

As Feminism "Wins" - Do Men Need A Voice?

The historically male narrative has been either a traditionalist male and now currently, a feminist male one (Obama/Biden etc).

It's not a men's rights activist voice that has dominated. Certainly not a MGTOW's.

So when one says male voices have dominated one has to ask what kind of male? A traditionalist man that prioritizes the building of family and working to sustain a housewife and kids in relative comfort, as the meaning of his life? The feminist man who believes in he for she? by Pikachu in Feminism
Tue Jun 28 4:58 PM

Whole Woman's Health v. Hellerstedt

I was so happy this went through 5-3 and not 4-4 as I was fearing.

I also find the judicial process wildly arbitrary. Because an appeals court in a particular circuit decided against the plaintiff, and because the Republican-led legislature has not voted on the president's replacement for the court, we depend one person to break the balance. I'm not saying that's entirely a bad system - we need something. It's just that reading about the history of Supreme Court decisions, all it takes is one decision to systematically deny someone rights, as Plessy v. Ferguson did to black people in 1896.
by Sonic# in Feminism
Tue Jun 28 12:21 PM

Hai, nice to meet you

Well.. did our troll just transform into our handy dandy servant? I think that's a new one.

Yeah, but he can only make sandwiches since he can't cook. Not interested. by Nachos in New Members
Tue Jun 28 8:57 AM

what art are you making?

I made this jewelry for my wedding:

https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/t31.0-8/fr/cp0/e15/q65/13490756_1034753849954945_7537156680254006465_o.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoibCJ9

Amethyst, glass and pewter beads. The pendants are agate. by Rainbow Dolphins in Mixed Media
Tue Jun 28 6:07 AM

Brexit

^ Everything I've read or heard about Brexit, though, suggests that it will be the lower classes in Britain who suffer economically. The economic frustrations you point to are absolutely real, but I don't see how leaving the EU is the solution.

How can local people possibly compete with the world's entire population of wealthy? They can't.
True, but it doesn't seem viable for most local people to compete even with their locality's population of wealthy people.
by octarineoboe in Ranting
Tue Jun 28 1:24 AM

Lindy West: We don't need marriage anymore.

(Edit - As Mels pointed out...lol)
Actually the official definition for polygamy has been expanded to include more then one wife or husband, probably in thanks to a push from the poly community. Thus the rise in popularity of Polygyny to describe one male many wives. Polygyny (or old school definition of polygamy) actually has some very horrible associations with it, so I for one welcome the distinction.

And you're totally right Mels, there are other options/reasons for being married for sure. I wasn't speaking in absolutes per say, just voicing my opinion on the majority/single biggest reason. Say for 10 people married, I'd say only 1 of each of the reasons you listed would be applicable (a wild anecdotal opinion appears!). by Nech in Feminism
Mon Jun 27 10:19 PM

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Mon Jun 27 3:00 PM

what are you reading?

Re-reading The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C Wrede. Still as good as I remember (which is, the first one is super good, the second one is pretty decent, and the third one is better than the 2nd but not as good as the first)

I also read the first book in the Vineart series, by Laura Anne Gilman. Definitely need to get the rest of that one. Fortunately it's actually done trilogy so I can get it at the library. by rowan in Mixed Media
Mon Jun 27 2:34 PM

Quiz: What kind of engineer should you be?

Engineering is one of the coolest jobs in the world, but there are so many disciplines it can be a little daunting to choose one for yourself! I wasn't happy with the existing quizzes, they were mostly way too direct (do you like bridges or wires? uh...) or way too career-spammy, and they were all way too serious. So with that in mind I took some personality traits and kinda did my best attempt at mapping them to engineering fields. It's not scientific or accurate because it really doesn't matter, engineers do so many things and move around so much there's no way to predict what path you'll end up on... so relax! This point of this test is to combine the fun of a personality quiz with the usefulness of a career test... hey look at that, fun AND useful? It's getting engineer-y already!
Mon Jun 27 3:00 AM

I voted for Trump in my state's primaries

Dude I don't give a f*ck who you voted for. I'm an independent so I can't vote in primaries in my home state. I also don't live in America anymore anyway. Just vote for whoever you want. I will probably vote for hilary in November even though I think the Clinton s are step above the Bush family. by Amuro in Ranting
Sun Jun 26 5:47 PM

The Skirt Pattern Calculator

I like to sew. This calculator tells you how to make an arc for any skirt you've got the fabric for - just type in your measurements.
Sun Jun 26 3:00 AM

Quiz: Do you need a boyfriend?

Are you a young single gal wondering if you need a man? Take our quiz.
Sat Jun 25 3:00 AM

Who Are The Watchdogs Against Dogmatism Within Feminism?

Shout out to Melsbells for Nussbaum in particular! EXACTLY what I was looking for, and would have made a public thank you sooner but I didn't want to double post. ^_^

And thank you too Sonic, I will look at those others you mentioned as well, though I'm less interested in the Gender As A Social Construct issues because I have absolutely ZERO disagreements on that score. To me that topic seems like it should be the most obvious to navigate. Clearly necessary, but none of the arguments against make enough sense to me to make me curious about adding new perspectives to my mental library.
by tomokun in Feminism
Fri Jun 24 3:53 AM

Quiz: What Color Are You?

Forget the four-color quizzes, this one displays your personality as one of the hundreds of named HTML colors.
Fri Jun 24 3:00 AM

The Baby Due Date Statistics Survey

I wondered if due dates were accurate. 5,000+ internet friends chimed in. See the charts here.
Thu Jun 23 3:00 AM

Ouch

Ow, knees suck.

I was chasing kids in the museum (I was chaperoning) and cornered hard into a table. It wasn't as impressive as the airplane bruise but it was in almost the same location so it sort of added to it for a while. by rowan in Ranting
Thu Jun 23 1:21 AM

Pregnancy Calendar

For geeky moms like me who need to remember not just what week they're on, but their percent completion.
Wed Jun 22 3:00 AM

Hey there!

Here is fine, we just want people to know what this community's rules are. Feel free to introduce yourself more, there's some suggestions in the sticky at the top of this forum if you need some suggestions. by rowan in New Members
Wed Jun 22 2:06 AM

The ethical minefield that is feeding kittens

Hm sounds like you have a harder time there finding food that's mostly animal based and sustainable than here. It is more pricey though. Second the talk to a butcher shop, might work? I sometimes get dog bones at ours (for a treat) but haven't looked for scraps for cats. by rowan in Random
Wed Jun 22 1:55 AM

Links to Spacefem Elsewhere

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Tue Jun 21 3:00 PM

Mnemonic device generator

Type in letters you want to remember, we'll make up a funny sentence to help
Tue Jun 21 3:00 AM

Intersectionality, and why it's fundamentally wrong.

You "made your stance clear," and that's what I objected to. You're continuing to abstract away what intersectionality was and is about; you're insisting that people who write and speak in rigorous ways about discrimination without using statistics only use pathos; you're insisting you have ethos or credibility to speak on this subject when you've made several bad assumptions about what intersectionality is and where it comes from; you keep saying it "brings nothing new to the table" because Kimberle Crenshaw didn't use statistical analysis in her first article, and despite the fact that no one had brought these concerns to the forefront of sociology and feminism before as a sustained focus.
by Sonic# in Feminism
Sun Jun 19 12:53 PM

Cultural appropriation. Just why?

Again, citing "half of 500" isn't terribly useful in a few respects:
(1) Now we're talking about a sample size of about 250;
(2) The survey was already pretty ineffective because the sampling frame of the survey was not equivalent to the population they feature in this breakdown. Not every element of the population of interest is present in the frame: people can claim they have a tribal affiliation, but that affiliation is never studied.
(3) Don't make up things like "infinitely better at showing representation." I'll take a good petition over a bad poll any day.
by Sonic# in Feminism
Sun Jun 19 12:44 PM

Sexual Empowerment vs Sexual Objectification

I put it to you that made up anime characters are not people. Not human. They're objects, incapable of thought, reason, or receiving violation. Objectification is therefore theoretically no different to treating a wrench like an object. The only way one can argue they have thoughts of their own is an a context of within their own story. However if one were to say that, they would be able to make their own choices as to what they want to wear without shame, like any real person. If they don't have that choice, then they're objects. Subject to the treatment of an object. One can simply make an appeal to consequences, like how it could make the standards of beauty unrealistic, but that could apply to any size zero model who reveals her body and acts as "thinspiration". Or how real celebrities like Nicky Minaj pander to the male gaze just as much.
by Pikachu in Feminism
Sun Jun 19 10:30 AM

self-employed

I attempted to support myself making glass lampwork beads- making the beads was the easy part, but selling them was hard! Setting up a business involved a lot of red tape, and money (in the UK). Before actually being a a business I'd made all my jewellery to be silver or sterling silver- but never hallmarked it. As a real business I had to hallmark things, but the setup fee was like 400!
So, ignoring legality for a bit, I got myself some insurance (that was only 30!) and started doing craft fairs. I picked fairly local ones, and they weren't the right ones. Everyone thought my stuff was too expensive (at 25 a bracelet), people were amazed I'd made the beads and I'd do demos and things, but people didn't buy very much. I put some pieces in shops- but they'd double my price to enable them to make a profit and I wouldn't sell much. I didn't do big enough or prestigious enough shows.
by Charli! in Careers & Education
Sat Jun 18 7:47 PM

Hey! Here to ask for some help!

Hey! I'm here to ask for help, any thing would be appreciated. To donate to my Go Fund Me, I created it to fund my FGM (Female Genital Mutilation) revision surgery. The costs would go into travel expenses, the procedure and operating room costs. My case is some what complex so I would refered to a experienced physician who had dealt with cases similar to mine before.

https://gofundme.com/29wv92s

by Zeezee in New Members
Sat Jun 18 9:43 AM

what's the last movie you saw?

I saw Finding Dory last night, which was opening night. It was really cute and good and everything I've come to expect from Disney/Pixar! There were at least a dozen truly laugh out loud moments. I don't know if it quite lives up to Finding Nemo, but it was very enjoyable and I'd recommend it. :4houses: by Eravial in Mixed Media
Fri Jun 17 8:36 PM

How NOT to help parents with a newborn

Don't show up empty-handed. Getting out of the house to the shops when you have a newborn is so hard, so anything that means that you don't have to is super-helpful. Bring some spare packs of baby wipes, or a new onesie (so that the washing can be put off another day) or an easy to heat meal.

And don't tell people to sleep when the baby sleeps. Believe me, people will do this if it's an option. But if the baby only naps in the car or in the pram, and moreover, wakes as soon as the car or pram stops moving, this kind of advice is totally unhelpful. by Gnarlbanya in Pregnancy & Parenting
Fri Jun 17 11:43 AM

it gets better thread for parents

Sometimes I think they go through a growth spurt or something weird-ass like that and then when it's done it gets better again. But who knows, kids are weird. It will get better again. We seem to be having night terrors again though not as badly as before. Those seem to correlate with growth spurts (for us). They are tailing off again so hopefully...? by rowan in Pregnancy & Parenting
Mon Jun 13 11:16 PM

Orlando: a reading list

I'm upset, but I know that what I'm feeling is nowhere near the pain and fear my LGBTIQ+ friends are feeling. I know I cannot even fathom the depths of what they are feeling right now. Those who are queer, especially trans, and Latin@ and/or Black are having a really hard time. It pains me to see them hurt so much.

I wish I knew what else to do, other than offer my love and support and to say they can call anytime. And to donate money to organizations that are trying to change things, but I feel so helpless and hopeless that it will make any difference. by rowan in Random
Mon Jun 13 10:57 PM

what music are you listening to?

My current obsessions are "Perfect From Now On" by Built to Spill and "Dummy" by Portishead. Also recently listened to all those old Matchbox Twenty albums and was pretty into it. Also, Dire Straits. by Rainbow Dolphins in Random
Mon Jun 13 6:34 AM

Single Sex or Co Ed schools?

You are arguing from the type of school YOU thrived best in, due to your abilities (you claim to be better at studies than seduction).

I would personally argue that co-ed is better because I think it makes interactions with the opposite sex more natural, as you know that they are just people too. I would argue that by having the distractions of the opposite sex early in life, you can live and work for the rest of your life with colleagues of the opposite sex, without it being distracting.
by Cicero in Feminism
Sun Jun 12 7:34 PM

My Country

I don't consider dating or friendship preferences for women who have had few to no partners to be slutshaming. Slut shaming is actively putting someone down for their choice of partners/sexual activity.

This is because no one is entitled to friendship or romance to begin with. They are however entitled to not be insulted without just cause. by Pikachu in Feminism
Sun Jun 12 11:27 AM

piano music

I like Yann Tiersen? If you've seen Amelie you've heard him. https://youtu.be/omhHQ2mVWXU He's kind of melancholy though which may not be that kid friendly.

I love this thread! I never think to search out piano but they're all good. by Enigma in Mixed Media
Fri Jun 10 11:45 PM

Who gets to be an exemplar?

Yeah Sonic give white males a chance, I hear they're very nice. :P

The problem with this is that since the problem is that they aren't known they can be a bit harder to find. So really the way to discover them in any field is to really consciously search for them. If you're looking for books in a field follow the suggestions on goodreads until you find one that's more what you're looking for with a good rating, actively search for articles with lists of the best women/minorities in the field to acquaint yourself with their work. I've been trying to actively search out women and minorities lately and it's crazy the amazing stuff out there that you miss! For example: Octavia Butler. I had never heard of her and I basically read the entire sci-fi section of the library near me growing up. They had a million books that were 90% male (token woman inserted for sexual interest) but not any of her stuff. I've only read Kindred so far but it was amazing and exactly the kind of thing I would have loved as a kid. After I read it I thought she was some new up and coming writer.. until I saw it was written in 1979. The fact that I was never exposed to scifi which in any way involved a black person growing up somehow felt like a massive gap in my education. I keep feeling like that when I come across women or minorities doing amazing things. As though it's almost a betrayal that I wasn't shown this stuff. That as an enthusiastic kid who grew up with an anti-racism poster on her wall I was still taught that this clearing we're standing in is all there is. There is no forest. And now as an adult I still have to actively teach myself that there is more. The things you were shown growing up isn't all there is. In fact it's the smallest corner of human creation. It's kind of wonderful but it's also kind of horrible to discover.
by Enigma in Feminism
Fri Jun 10 11:31 PM

false minority identification

Well, now I'm sorry that I took so long to get back to this. Pikachu, I think I see how the way I worded this and grouped it together implied that white privelege and male privelege are equivalent. I'm sorry, they aren't. That's not even how privelege works. Thanks for pointing that out to me. What I wanted to get across was this thought of a tendancy for people to turn conversations back onto themselves, territory where they can relate and add to a conversation, instead of listening on the sidelines. I think this happens most often when a person encounters subcultures and suddenly feels out of their element, and based on the prescense of the group, starts to think that their own culture is actually the one in the minority.
by melsbells in Random
Thu Jun 9 7:47 PM