is a small community owned & run by some regular people. Not a company. We are not out to recruit you for data mining purposes, there is no venture capital exit strategy, no one is asking about profit margins or even making this a full time job. There are no ads. Posts here are not a commodity to be sold. We are just a fun group of people who like chatting about creativity, nerdy things, feminism, and sometimes pants. This site started over a decade ago and hasn't even changed colors. It is a safe, inclusive place to share opinions, rant, celebrate, cuss or just take stupid quizzes. We were around before every corporate social media site had to "connect" you and we'll be around when they're all gone.

name the closest thing...

My three year old could accidentally kill me. (About six months ago, he headbut me in the face so hard I ended up with a concussion and two fractured facial bones. Kid can do some damage.)

Name the closest thing that glows in the dark. by ladyhawk in Random
Fri Dec 19 5:06 PM

WO: When are you most aware of your lack of privilege?

When addressing me: "You'll understand when you have kids."
When addressing male friends: "You'll understand if you have kids."
There was one instance where both were said in the same day, by the same person, after I had previously stated to them that I have no desire or intent on having children. I heard these phrases separately many times before and didn't pay much attention. Maybe it also stood out more this one time because I had been recently told that I was selfish for not making babies.
by Neko in Feminism
Fri Dec 19 6:43 AM

New Jersey's Rape By Fraud Bill

^I hope you realize the gravity of saying such words. Your thought experiment involves heavily risking victims of rape seeing someone use an accusation of it casually. This can trigger emotional distress which is far from worth the trivial point your making. Your point can be made very easily without the accusation. Speaking of which, we all get your point. There's no need to elaborate.

I'm a bit torn as to what should be considered rape at this point. If someone goes to clubs and lies in order to get women to falsely consent to sex, is he a rapist or just an asshole? I'm not so sure anymore. by Storage and Disposal in Feminism
Fri Dec 19 12:49 AM

Mockingjay Pt. 1 (SPOILERS)

This was a really good review!

I haven't read the books, but I've seen the first two movies, and it seems as though there's a pretty huge lack of character development in the movies, as though they're relying on people to already know the characters and their relations to one another from reading the books. It's really bugging me, and it also makes it a bit of a challenge to really get into the movies because a lot of the time I just don't understand why the characters are doing what they're doing. Would you say that this movie was worse the the previous two when it comes to something like that, or pretty much the same? by Bork in Mixed Media
Thu Dec 18 10:02 PM

top five

I'll put the answer under a spoiler tag if you want to move on (each letter is a URL):
people or things to uhhhh inspire the phrase "It's alive!" by Sonic# in Random
Wed Dec 17 3:29 PM

Pregnancy Calendar

For geeky moms like me who need to remember not just what week they're on, but their percent completion.
Wed Dec 17 3:00 AM

How intelligent does one have to be to see sexism?

I think there is a line between negative and neutral sexism. On an individual level everyone treats everyone differently at least originally depending on their appearance and that isn't wrong, it's natural. On a societal level there is greater confusion about the different advantages and disadvantages the different genders have, females seem to have an easier time with the court system and a more sympathetic portrayal in the media while males seem to benefit economically. As such knowing sexism exists and believing it's unfair are two different things at least imo. by Kingnoname in Feminism
Tue Dec 16 3:19 AM


awesome! I read about some of those other characters a while ago on BBC, I think. I didn't know anyone did anything here in the states for it, though. We have lots of weird random parades here, but not this one. :) by rowan in Mixed Media
Mon Dec 15 4:14 PM

is internet a human right?

In a roundabout way.
I think information and connection to the world is a right, and the internet is a good way to provide that.
I don't think it's a priority when so many other rights are being violated, though. by Dawn?Quixotic in Science Technology Engineering & Math
Mon Dec 15 8:06 AM

You Rang?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee welcome back welcome back welcome back!!!

Spacefem had another baby. Some other stuff probably happened too...
I don't know why this surprised me as much as it did... two space babies!

I totally remember you Newly! And wow it must be a decade for me too. by Enigma in Random
Sun Dec 14 4:59 AM

male rats turned on by tiny sexy rat jackets

Ya know now that you say it... why didn't they test whether they could bias the sexual preferences of female rats?
I tried to find information presented by the actual scientists, but apparently this has not been peer-reviewed or published, only presented at a conference, so all that's out there is science journalism articles, which are not always the best sources for accurate scientific findings. They definitely should do a follow-up study, but I'm guessing there are a few reasons they didn't here:
by Eravial in Science Technology Engineering & Math
Sun Dec 14 1:20 AM

Visitors soon after birth

My sister and her husband were glad for mine and our mothers help for limited periods when she just wanted to sleep but we both understood "the look" that said we should go away without her having to actually throw us out. If you don't have that relationship with "S" and can't establish it before the babies born don't guest her at your house.

But it is a really kind offer. Maybe she doesn't know you already have a support system? let her know. by monk in Pregnancy & Parenting
Sat Dec 13 6:21 PM

ye olde media formats

You forgot to add books :P

I have a box of CDs on the bottom of my bookshelf. I think I used to have The Breakfast Club on VHS, but it's gone walkabout. by No I'm Not in Polls
Sat Dec 13 7:34 AM

What should allies do?

I think it's really important to teach children that different is not equal to wrong. I've personally had to combat this with my husband's family, since they're a bunch of biggots. One time, my FIL started on a tangent about gay marriage in front of JB, so I took him and left the room. When he's older, I might engage FIL in conversation about the shit that my he says instead of leaving the room, but right now I'm trying to teach my kid some basics.

My FIL seems to think he "just won't understand." JB has a little girl in his dance class with two moms. He asked me why, so I said, "You know how Daddy and I fell in love and started a family? Well, her mommies fell in love and wanted a family, too." So he said, "Oh. Okay."
by ladyhawk in Feminism
Fri Dec 19 5:02 PM

Why have I not seen this?

TRIGGER WARNING: Detailed porn scenarios below.

Cicero, almost everything you wrote refers to men and how men view it. There's no concern about how women might view it.

Plots and themes are rather generous terms for most porn films. Woman being immoral---> gangbang in a warehouse. Woman showing up to random door----> Bj's and crawling around on the floor. In a large number of porn films women are essentially objects and that is a problem. All genders view porn but for the most part it is direct by and for cismen. That's a problem.
by great girl wonder in Feminism
Fri Dec 19 6:40 AM

Why do women have to take their husband's last name?


You are certainly right that little details of our environment reveal deeper underlying social values and basic assumptions we have. Are you familiar with Schein's cultural analysis, because what you are saying sound just like it, and I am in complete agreement. The legal documents you are referring to would in this case be thought of as "artifacts" that reveal a deeper meaning.
I must admit I don't recall filling out documents that were phrased the way you are talking about, but then again, I haven't been looking out for it. I will now.
by Cicero in Feminism
Thu Dec 18 11:18 PM

ask an avionics engineer

So I'm kind of posting this because it's cool. But also, how does a small plane compare to some of the maneuvers they're doing with this huuuuuge plane? Harder? Easier? Can you even compare at all? Why didn't they do a barrel roll? ;) ... ng-limits/ by rowan in Science Technology Engineering & Math
Thu Dec 18 5:11 AM

#shirtstorm or #shirtgate

If I worked in HR (and I have) and a female coworker put on a shirt with a sexualised picture of Beckham, or whoever, I would think that was an ugly shirt, but I wouldn't have her publicly scolded for all the sins ever committed against men in HR. If it was a truly big deal for a lot of people, it should be handled internally, with a conversation between her and her boss. Never, ever a public humiliation.

Let me help you with your metaphor so you can maybe understand. If you worked in HR and a female coworker put on a shirt of Manchester United wearing speedos while poll dancing and then as a representative of your company conducted an international press conference, an apology would be the very least you would probably demand of her and your company would likely put out a press release apologizing on her behalf. It's not about him wearing the shirt, it's about him representing science in a professional event publicly while simultaneously being sexist. What was the sexual harassment policy of the company you worked for? Were people allowed to put up magazine centerfolds? Were they allowed to wear them to work? Outside of an airplane hanger in bumfuk Alaska that has never been the case anywhere I've ever had a job.
by monk in Feminism
Wed Dec 17 8:57 AM

Genre rut

I've been in a fantasy/scifi book rut for basically ever - but there's still so much I haven't read that it doesn't feel like a rut. Academically, I read a lot of history, especially gender history. I took a historiography class this semester that pushed me into a bunch of outside-my-comfort-zone philosophy.

I also hate most reality tv on principle, although I made some exceptions for competition shows--a few extremely guilt-ridden ANTM marathons with my sister when I was younger and some less guilty fun with So You Think You Can Dance and a bit of American Idol. It's still a competition show, but I was pleasantly astonished to find that RuPaul's Drag Race has some freakin' incredible tv
by octarineoboe in Mixed Media
Tue Dec 16 3:46 PM

Mnemonic device generator

Type in letters you want to remember, we'll make up a funny sentence to help
Tue Dec 16 3:00 AM

10-Second PHP Tutorial

The fastest introduction I could possibly muster.
Mon Dec 15 3:00 PM

Quiz: What kind of engineer should you be?

Engineering is one of the coolest jobs in the world, but there are so many disciplines it can be a little daunting to choose one for yourself! I wasn't happy with the existing quizzes, they were mostly way too direct (do you like bridges or wires? uh...) or way too career-spammy, and they were all way too serious. So with that in mind I took some personality traits and kinda did my best attempt at mapping them to engineering fields. It's not scientific or accurate because it really doesn't matter, engineers do so many things and move around so much there's no way to predict what path you'll end up on... so relax! This point of this test is to combine the fun of a personality quiz with the usefulness of a career test... hey look at that, fun AND useful? It's getting engineer-y already!
Mon Dec 15 3:00 AM

Keeping calm in new pregnancy after a loss

I haven't had to go through anything that is this (I imagine) traumatic. However, I have been pregnant five times, and I do only have two children. During my two successful pregnancies (I miscarried very early in the other three) I pretty much had to just stop reading anything at all, because, for me personally, it wasn't reassuring. It just made it worse. No news, baby books, articles, no online communities, nothing. Just made me more paranoid.

After the 3rd miscarriage, I went to grief counseling, and I continued therapy through my pregnancy with my second child, which seemed to help a lot.
by ladyhawk in Pregnancy & Parenting
Sun Dec 14 4:25 AM

How angry are you right now?

I voted neutrally angry but I'm not sure that was correct. There was the frustration of waiting all week for a last phone interview and sort of getting stood up. They did apologize and reschedule for next week so I guess I'm not angry, just uneasy. Which probably qualifies for neutrally angry. by LunchBox in Polls
Sat Dec 13 11:15 PM

First trimester nausea and keeping it together at work

Ladies, I am so sorry you're feeling so awful. Do talk to your doctors about this, and expect them to take is seriously. I delayed getting help for way too long because I thought I was just having normal morning sickness and it was NOT normal morning sickness. Once you've tried the usual round of crackers, ginger everything, sea bands, teas, etc. there are prescriptions that can help you stay healthy so you can nurture your growing baby. I had to take enough Zofran and Phenergan to put a horse to sleep and had a healthy, happy baby born to a healthy, happy momma. If things really persist check out for more options. by aka_laura in Pregnancy & Parenting
Sat Dec 13 3:00 PM

Quiz: Do you need a boyfriend?

Are you a young single gal wondering if you need a man? Take our quiz.
Sat Dec 13 3:00 AM

The little things that make you happy.

Baby/children smiling/laughing. Namely, my own baby and child, but, overall, happy children make the world a better place.

Also, when someone gets/laughs at my jokes. I feel like I tell a lot of jokes and no one else finds them funny, which is sad, because I LOVE when other people laugh, especially if I made them do it.
by ladyhawk in Random
Fri Dec 19 4:51 PM

Control your dogs please

Your poor kiddo!

That's the part about this that bothers me the most. Isn't lack of adequate sleep linked to a decline in both physical and mental health? To show such blatant disregard for anyone's health, let alone a child's health, is really quite appalling to me.

I like the idea of the dog whistle. Or sneaking the dogs off to a shelter when no one is looking.

(Also, on a hi-jacky note, my mom is a racist native American who married a white man, except she had children with him. I happen to strongly resemble my Irish father, and my mom, who lives with me and my German husband, is constantly bitching about how awful "you white people" are. Even though she's terminally ill and we moved her in with us instead of putting her in a hospice. Thanks, Mom!) by ladyhawk in Ranting
Fri Dec 19 4:19 AM

How is pregnancy different from when it's shown in TV?

^ In one of the last Frasier episodes, this happens: the couple are visiting a veterinarian to get a ring out of a dog when her water breaks. In what could plausibly be only an hour or so, she has delivered her baby and it's all cleaned up and wrapped up. Of course this is also the show that covered up Jane Leeves's pregnancy by making her character Daphne become fat and have to go to fat camp - an example of how pregnancy is hidden on TV. by Sonic# in Pregnancy & Parenting
Thu Dec 18 10:19 PM

The Baby Due Date Statistics Survey

I wondered if due dates were accurate. 5,000+ internet friends chimed in. See the charts here.
Thu Dec 18 3:00 AM

Sydney Seige - media coverage etc

I thought the rolling coverage (on almost every free to air channel) was pretty awful. It was pretty clear that there was very little information suitable for public broadcast throughout the day, but instead of just going with news updates, the competitive pressure to be 'first' with anything breaking meant that journalists had little to do but re-run footage (some of which was quite distressing) and then trot out so-called experts to speculate when they really had no good information on which to base this. It was also awful that some media outlets chose to pass on or show information that the police asked be kept under wraps (hostage posts to Facebook, police movements, etc). The fact that Rupert Murdoch tweeted a crowingly triumphant statement about one of his publications being 'first' to announce the siege ending at 2am kind of tells us about the underlying motivation for the unrelenting news coverage. by Gnarlbanya in Ranting
Wed Dec 17 6:22 AM

Links to Spacefem Elsewhere


Tue Dec 16 3:00 PM

"All About That Bass is totally your song!"

So I haven't bothered to look up the original song since it sounds awful, but this one can be mine:


#&&#*Y@ I can never remember how to make youtube work. Here: by rowan in Ranting
Mon Dec 15 6:44 PM

Women, Armed

Here's the thing... not everybody is a warrior.
Not everybody is comfortable using violence to defend themselves. They may if really forced but they wouldn't be comfortable carrying a gun around like they were some badass gunslinger, because they aren't.
This does not make attacking them okay, or make them fools or weaklings that deserve what happens to them.
The other thing is also... self-defense can get murky. You can't just whip it out and shoot anyone that remotely threatens you. Even if they do, it can still stir up a can of worms.
by Dawn?Quixotic in Feminism
Mon Dec 15 8:14 AM

So what are you reading now?

Guyland is so good! And if you ever get the chance to hear Michael Kimmel speak, you should go! He's a great performer as well as a good writer and sociologist.

My semester is over so I can read fun things now! I started rereading Hogfather because Pratchett is my default when I don't have anything new, and it's almost Christmas so Hogfather in particular seemed appropriate. I just picked up The Book Thief from the library today. I saw about a third of the movie on a plane severl months ago and I'm really excited to read the (entire) book. by octarineoboe in Random
Sun Dec 14 10:45 PM

The Skirt Pattern Calculator

I like to sew. This calculator tells you how to make an arc for any skirt you've got the fabric for - just type in your measurements.
Sun Dec 14 3:00 AM

pregnancy and anxiety

This is my second pregnancy, with unfortunately no children. This statistics page has given me comfort both times even though no one could have predicted the oddball birth defect that ended my last pregnancy in the second trimester. I suppose I was just one of the unlucky 1% last time, and am so hopeful this time. Thank you for posting it! by Wilde83 in Pregnancy & Parenting
Sat Dec 13 6:54 PM

Lurker should probably say hello

You and I are not alone!

Thank you, so very much. I've actually read that article before and it was really great to be reminded and read it again

I continue to feel as an androgynous person occupying a female body, and that makes it really exciting. This body is aching and bloated and needing to pee ALL THE TIME but I'm starting to feel Skyforger knocking around in there and it's an adventure.
by melsbells in New Members
Sat Dec 13 12:58 PM

Quiz: What Color Are You?

Forget the four-color quizzes, this one displays your personality as one of the hundreds of named HTML colors.
Fri Dec 12 3:00 AM