Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

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lexiewalt

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Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby lexiewalt » Mon Jan 16, 8:23 2017

Had more to say and I felt this title on "Ranting" had turned into a pro and anti- guns diatribe. Anyway my comments are feminist in nature.

Just to say that following my "gent on the bus" post ("Yuck yuck yuck" on Ranting), friends and colleagues have come out of the woodwork and told me their experiences.
One said her answer to a man looking at her chest was to stare at his crotch and look disappointed!

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Nech » Mon Jan 16, 8:37 2017

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So just shut up, and bring some water.

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Taurwen » Tue Jan 17, 7:52 2017

It's really hard, I'm not sure most men really understand. My sister recently "made a friend" while waiting for the bus when a guy bummed a cigarette. He kept talking to her until the bus got there, got on with her and got off at her stop (while at the bus stop he mentioned he was going in a totally different direction and only decided to go to a friend's mid transit). He thankfully went down the street before hers so didn't follow her all the way but it really freaked her out. She was telling my mom about it and asked "What did I do wrong? How do I avoid that next time? If he had followed me all the way home would it have been better to keep walking past my building so he doesn't know where I live or to try to lose him at the door?" and all my mom could say was "Just hope it doesn't happen again." which is just so frustrating on sooo many levels.

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Unvoiced_Apollo » Tue Jan 17, 15:05 2017


lexiewalt

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby lexiewalt » Wed Jan 18, 5:46 2017

Taurwen, that's horrible.
But you're right - most guys don't realise how terrifying they can be.
A few times I've had "sorry I'm not worrying you am I?" as if they want to show their caring side. That on the face of it is good, BUT what am I supposed to say? "Well actually you are, I'm frightened to death and I'd rather you left me alone"?
I think there needs to be tons more education of boys and men. Not just warnings to us about going places alone or talking to strange men, but telling them not to approach females outside.
If they're DESPERATE to approach or strike up conversations with us, do it in a busy room (a pub, a club), give up IMMEDIATELY if we turn them down, and NEVER approach us if we're alone. I know men will say "that's harsh" or "it gives women too many rights", but what's more important - their machismo or our safety?
We've all had men follow us or APPEAR to follow us and we all know how frightening that can be, so it's time some rules like that were made.
Apart from anything else, if a man broke a rule, we'd know immediately that he wasn't worthy and that we were correct in calling the police!

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Unvoiced_Apollo » Wed Jan 18, 17:24 2017


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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Taurwen » Thu Jan 19, 12:37 2017

I think there's a distinct difference between being afraid of men (which I'm not) and being afraid of men who approach me when I'm by myself (meaning not only am I personally alone but there's no one else around).
I'm also pissed off that politeness dictates that I talk back to a man who is talking to me even if I've given off all the cues of not wanting to talk, and men can get potentially angry and dangerous if we're not polite so my survival instinct tells me to humour them.

99% of men walking down the street are good guys. 97 percent of them would never bother a woman beyond asking directions. It shouldn't need to be an official rule because it's already an unspoken one. A lot of men just don't understand how important it is to women.

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Sonic# » Thu Jan 19, 16:11 2017


lexiewalt

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby lexiewalt » Fri Jan 20, 7:11 2017


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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Unvoiced_Apollo » Fri Jan 20, 7:37 2017


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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Taurwen » Fri Jan 20, 11:35 2017

I was thinking of general stranger interactions. I do live in an urban environment where it's not uncommon to double check you're on the right streetcar or how exactly to get to some landmark.
Funnily enough I dropped something yesterday and a young man chased me down a block to give it back, that was nice of him and he just went on his way afterwards.

I guess what gets me is that women don't try to strike up conversation with me. If they can go about their day without trying to make random friends on the street why do some men think it's such an important part of social interaction?
And by cues I meant earphones in, book out, pretended not to hear the first couple thing a guy says. Playing hard to get in a relationship may be a thing. Playing hard to get when someone you don't know from Adam approaches you on the street isn't a thing. We have bars, internet meet up groups, book clubs, any number of social venues for making friends, there's no reason to cold approach a single woman on the street, or bus, or park.

lexiewalt

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby lexiewalt » Sat Jan 21, 6:36 2017

Taurwen I think we're generally in agreement - especially as you've finished with really what I was saying be4 about rules - there are places where men can approach me if they're so inclined (goodness knows why they want to!), but not on the street.
Yes women not approaching us is a good point - I know that if a woman does approach me it's a genuine query (or even, as happened once, an attempt to escape a man who was hassling HER).
The cues - I have this theory that men see me (and other women) as a challenge. So I've been wearing earphones and been aware that a man has been trying to ask me something. As you say, politeness dictates that I remove an earphone. On that occasion he said "now you're listening, which bus are you waiting for?". Of course I resisted the tempatation to say "what's it to you?" in case he took it as the start of an argument. I tried to answer without giving anything away.
But that's another example of us losing again - I feel I NEED to answer without getting annoyed, so in turn they take it that I'm a"decent" person who wants a chat! Aaaargh

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Unvoiced_Apollo » Sat Jan 21, 9:39 2017


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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Enigma » Sat Jan 21, 16:21 2017

Just had this happen to me coming back from the mother fucking women's march. I was back in my neighbourhood so no friends around. Dude got off at my stop loudly saying something about cigarettes he was selling. I ignored him and speed walked to catch a light to lose him. Dude yells STOP! really aggressively as I'm halfway across the street. So aggressively that I wonder if he's about to mug me or something. Follows me. Yells HEY!! incredibly aggressively (like if this was a movie he'd definitely have a gun on me at this point and it sounds like I murdered someone he loved or something). I continue to ignore him because engaging seems like a terrible idea at this point. There's hardly anyone around, fairly sure I'm going to die at this point. Continue speedwalking towards a women with a buddle buggy - could be an ally. Get to a corner and risk a look back. Someone's still coming up the street. Book it down the last street hoping to lose him in the fog. Get inside. Fucking full of adrenaline. Annd wasn't murdered. Today is a success.

:\ Yup.
"Human beings are amazing... we might be horrible, horrible, but we're wonderful too. Otherwise, why go on?"

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Taurwen » Mon Jan 23, 7:53 2017

Lexiewalt, I think we are very much in agreement, I'm sorry I was trying to expand on your ideas not state them as my own (although I have thought the same) that wasn't clear at all. While I'm not for legislating interactions I think everything else is spot on.

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Nech » Mon Jan 23, 8:53 2017

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So just shut up, and bring some water.

lexiewalt

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby lexiewalt » Mon Jan 23, 10:09 2017

Taurwen - yes mutual appreciation society! No wasn't accusing you of claiming my ideas as your own - fortunately they're not original anyway. Do wish SOMETHING was done to make our lives less problematic though - not sure what - which is I guess part of the whole problem!

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Enigma » Mon Jan 23, 16:15 2017

"Human beings are amazing... we might be horrible, horrible, but we're wonderful too. Otherwise, why go on?"

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Re: Yuck Yuck Yuck - continued from "Ranting"

Postby Nech » Tue Jan 24, 7:16 2017

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So just shut up, and bring some water.


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