How do you dress yourself?

[lillerina]

I don't know how to buy clothes for myself. I don't know what looks good on me or how to find out what looks good on me. I don't know what my body type even is, society's so fucked up and the bodies that we see around us are so fucked up. I can't tell if I'm fat or not, I have no idea what my dress size is. How do I dress myself?

My solution until now has been to just not buy clothes, but I need some stuff, and I don't know where to start. I'd like to have some semblance of a personal style - I know to some extent what I like, which is long skirts, doc marten mary janes, cardigans not sweaters, hair down to my thighs. I don't like trousers, I don't wear jeans or pants, and I like skirts which are knee to mid calf length. I don't know if this looks good on me or not. I don't shave my legs/underarms.

I'm busty- I have a 42" bust measurement and wear an F cup. I don't know how to accommodate that or how to take it into account. I'm afraid of looking like Beatrice Nest so I ignore it. I know roughly which brands of bras fit me best, but half the time I just don't wear one because they bother me. I'm aware this is a bad habit and I don't care. I also have a jiggly tummy and big hips and am around 5'1.

I don't have friends who enjoy clothes shopping, and I have never enjoyed clothes shopping. I default to long skirt-t shirt-cardigan-tights on a daily basis. I have some slightly smarter tee shirts which I wear for work. These clothes are comfortable but don't make me feel good about myself or my body. I'd like to feel like I care enough about myself to dress myself well. I have no interest in following fashion, but a personal style would be nice.

So, basically, I don't know how to buy clothes, I think I want to buy clothes, how do I buy clothes? Help!

[DruidX]

Like you, I haven't bought clothes in a while, but when I have to it tends to be plain blue bootcut jeans, black t-shirts with slogans on and fleece jumpers. Generally my process of buying clothes is to go somewhere I've been before and know that their stuff suits me (like Matalan or Asda - you may smirk but supermarket clothes tend to be tailored to normal sized people). I wander around, pick up stuff I remotely like the look of, get a nice big pile and then go spend half an hour in the fitting room, trying on, sitting down, jumping around, waving my arms and generally making sure I can be as rough and tumble as I usually am and that I'll still look okay, won't do anything embarrassing like split them and I can actually move.

I think the trick is to just experiment.

[monk]

You don't have to be interested in fashion to be fashionable. Being a guy my options are much smaller but I still refer to experts when I want to do something like you mentioned. By experts I mean the people who work at clothing stores. Basically go to a upscale clothing store that displays some clothes you like the look of and repeat what you said above. Put yourself at the mercy of the sales person, say you want to try on different styles that flatter your body/height and play dress up for a awhile. Figure out what you like, or maybe at least something you like that's different from what you already have.

Obviously you should do this at a time when the clothing place isn't overly busy.

Don't feel obligated to buy anything either, you are shopping. Once you figure out what you like, feel free to go the thrift store route and see if you can find it cheap.

[anonymousrabbit]

^ What Monk said. What I have to add is that I also like to have someone whose taste I trust also along to give a second opinion; while many clothing store people do at least sort of know their stuff, I like having a known quantity's opinion as insurance. I have a few friends who I think have a good eye, and I take one of them along when I go clothes shopping. Most of my friends don't like going clothes shopping either; I just bribe one of them with drinks or the like. Between free drinks and the flattery of someone else valuing their opinion, most of even my reticent friends will usually agree to come along.

[LunchBox]

I have absolutely no clue but I'd really like to know the answer to this as well so I'll be watching this thread.

[Charli!]

I third what Monk said. Last time I needed to buy clothes I just went into Debanhams- they had a personal shopper service and I made them pick my work clothes! I just had no clue what suited me for a professional environment where i couldn't wear jeans and a tshirt, and i didn't want to wear a suit and tie everyday, they picked a load of stuff I would never have gone near but quite like.

I now work somewhere where I can wear tshirt and jeans everyday.. but oh well..

[Aum]

I'm very practical about the clothes I buy. They tend to serve functions. I'm not someone who tries to be all high society by making sure I'm kept up with the latest fashions. If a pair of jeans gets worn, I buy new ones to replace them. Same with anything else. If the new stuff I buy has some extra designs or bells and whistles, then cool - but I don't really care. I'm a guy though, and men's clothing is so much less diverse so it's harder to go wrong.

In terms of deciding what looks good... I usually take a friend with me who knows my body type and my general tastes, and I get them to give me a second opinion. Because I'm very tall with a thin waist, most pants never fit me properly, so usually by the time something fits really well I will just buy it regardless of what it looks like (within reason). It kills me that the fashion world features so many tall, slim men, but then in the stores they never have clothes to fit that demographic.

I have some body dysmorphia where I always see myself as too skinny. One year I did weight lifting consistently for 6 months and I gained 30lbs of muscle mass, but I still saw myself as scrawny in the mirror even though my clothes weren't fitting me anymore. It's the main reason why I always need someone with me when I go clothes shopping, because I will reject items that make me look too thin even though other people don't see it that way.

[Epicenity]

I myself am in your position except our "body types" are on the opposite ends from what you described. So, tell me what you buy and I'll just do the opposite. Like how George from Seinfeld did it.

[helium]

I'm generally just a jeans and T-shirt person, because I'm lazy, but I like to think I have some sort of my own style when I'm wearing other things. When it comes to fashion I tend to go more vintage/Gothic Lolita inspired, so sometimes I'll just type "1920s fashion" into Google or something and browse around. When I find something I like, I try to figure out what it is that I like about it (the color, the shape of the outfit) and try to figure out how that would look best on me. I also kind of use my Tumblr as a guide for what I like-- when I see something posted that I like the look of, I try to replicate it, generally in a more casual, cheaper way with things I can find at thrift stores. I also spend hours browsing the different fashion/shopping advice articles on Autostraddle. When I actually shop I try to pick things that I'll actually wear and that I can use in lots of different outfits.

[Tookie]

As far as figuring out your dress size - using the size guides listed here (the second one has a wider range) will put you in the right ballpark.

I've never been overly concerned about "body type" - you know what you like. I find the usual body type advice is all about minimizing "flaws" - fuck that! I break those rules all the time - right now I'm wearing teensy black shorts with white tights, drawing all kinds of attention to my massive cycling thighs, and it looks fucking AWESOME. So. Wear what you like.

Fortunately skirts are easy to fit, and because you're short, it'll be easier to find skirts that hit below the knee. I'm partial to high-waisted skirts, but you don't have to be. Avoid elastic waists at all costs - or cover them up with belts.

I'm no trend follower, for sure, but I'll throw out a few suggestions:

How about pleated skirts? They're pretty easy to find in longer lengths, and are so so so sharp, especially with a thin belt. The floatier, the better.

example
example

They would look amazing with some Victorian-style boots.

example

Button up shirts. These might not be possible to find off the rack with your measurements (Torrid doesn't have any listed, which isn't a good sign), but if you can track them down, they're worth it! So instantly classy, and they look great with cardigans (but then, what doesn't look good with cardigans?)

example
example

Tee shirts - scoop neck shirts are great with jeans, but usually look too casual with a skirt. I'm a huge fan of slouchy v-necks - I have the same shirt in white, black and salmon, and it's so versatile - I can dress it up with a cardigan and a skirt, or down with jeans. Torrid.com assures me that it looks hot on ladies who are bigger-chested than I: example, but ditch the stripes (too casual) and go for a solid. The perfect slouchy tee will skim over your body without looking shapeless or baggy. Here's a cute fitted v-neck - nice detailing, especially in the back - and probably not low enough to be outrageously cleavagey (although I am not an expert on cleavage, not really having to worry about it myself). I'm also really into this one.

Also, if you like cardigans, how about blazers? They're a little bit more structured which can really jazz up an outfit, and you can roll up the sleeves for extra cute.

example
example
example

If you hate all of those suggestions, let me know why, and I can make some others! I might be totally off the mark here, but I can see you really rocking a badass Victorian chic sort of deal.

[lillerina]

I would feel guilty getting a lot of help from a salesperson/personal shopper and then not buying anything. I'd feel like I was wasting their time. Is this silly?

Epicenity - I don't buy anything. The last item of clothing I bought was a teeshirt and that was 2 years ago.

According to the size chart I'm about a size 20. This feels enormous to me. I have no idea whether it is or not, because society is fucked up.

Tookie - I don't know what I like. About myself, I think my collarbones are pretty rad and I like my forearms okay, and other than that I don't know.

I have no interest in following trends. I want to buy or make clothes that help me feel beautiful and amazing. Right now my clothes serve a purpose to cover my body but a lot of my current clothes were bought before I had boobs and don't fit me well and don't make me feel good about myself.

I don't like the pleated skirts. My go-to skirt is an A-line skirt, between knee and mid calf length. I have three of them, I made them all myself from the same pattern. I don't know why I don't like the pleated skirts, but they don't appeal to me.

I like the idea of button up shirts/blouses but they can feel quite school-uniformy to me. Same with blazers.

I've been wearing threadless teeshirts and such for the last several years and I'd like to move away from that teeshirt/hoodie style, it doesn't fit me well. I like the one scoop neck top I have, I'm dissatisfied with the regular necklined teeshirts. Looking at stuff I don't like is helpful- I don't like the slouchy teeshirts, I'm not a fan of anything with frills on it pretty much anywhere. I like the last link you posted, Tookie, with the plaid skirt and blazer. I recoil from the word slouchy, I am not a slouchy sort of person.

[monk]

I would feel guilty getting a lot of help from a salesperson/personal shopper and then not buying anything. I'd feel like I was wasting their time. Is this silly?

yes. Just because you're not buying today doesn't mean you wont buy in the future and if they're truly helpful you can repay their time helping you by saying a good word about their service to people you know. So their time spent helping has enhanced their reputation(something very difficult for them to buy). The sales rep is getting paid whether they're helping you or whether they're counting ceiling tiles out of boredom, they're there for a reason, to help you, and to increase their sales through you or anybody you might recommend them to.

[Rainbow Dolphins]

How do you feel about hippie skirts? I can find that style of skirt if I troll local goodwills for dirt cheap. What about peasant tops? They tend to be flattering on large-busted women, I think. Here is a nice one-shouldered variation.

Have you thought about one-piece dresses, since you don't like to wear pants? With weather turning a little warmer some sundresses might be a good option. I know that example is shorter than your preference but you can certainly find longer ones in similar styles (I've had good luck at thrift stores).

This is obviously coming from my hippie-esque, very feminine fashion perspective. Some thinsg to think about might be: How feminine or gender neutral or masculine do you want to lean towards? Also, what is your modesty comfort level? I am comfortable showing a lot of skin so my suggestions are coming from that perspective also. What colors do you like and feel comfortable in? Earth tones? Bright colors? Cool colors? Warm ones? I personally don't feel comfortable in pink or orange or yellow, most of my wardrobe is made of blue and purple and black with the occasional red or green. I tried to kind of pick examples with a variety of color schemes to help you get ideas.

Edit: Also, I meant to say, size 20 is NOT huge, you are perfectly within normal and healthy size ramifications. It is just the fashion industry fucking with you. Also, your dress size will vary a lot between brands and even within brands. The best thing to do is just look at the garment, hold it up to your body and see if it looks like it's the right size. It's very useful to have a shopping buddy for this because they are more impartial about your body size, your idea of your own body size is probably skewed (I know mine is), if you can hold the dress up in front of yourself and say "does this look like it would fit?" and get either "yes," "no, too big," or "no, too small" from a third party is very useful. Then once you find one that looks like it would work, you can use it to compare to other clothing items and see if they are similar in size.

[kelsa]

Apparently my post isn't "kosher." It is now deleted.

[Butterfly North]

When I look for clothes I do take into account all those guides to body shape. And I'm quite happy with my body anyway, so doing so is kind of ridiculous. They talk about things I like in myself as being flaws, they use all this ridiculous language, and yet I guess I see them as useful resources that need to be translated out of bullshit-language.

So one thing for me is I'm quite lanky. The body shape guide will say 'to make your legs look endlessly sexy, wear X Y and Z'. The translation being 'X Y and Z make your legs look longer'. If you'd like your legs to look longer, then cool, if not, fine. I would avoid those features because I don't want to look like a giraffe.

There are a wealth of design features that I learned about through these things that I wouldn't have known to look out for when I'm shopping otherwise. My top tip is tops/dresses/cardies that nip in just under the bust and then is more A-line. It's just a really simple shape that isn't ultra feminine or masculine. It doesn't have to be something like a belt or tassle or two tone or two pieces of fabric stitched together. I think it suits pretty much anyone who isn't self conscious about their bust being 'too small'.

[zibber]

I remember being super confused as to what the rules of fashion were and all.

Thing is, it's all fickle bullshit. It's not actually some kind of science and there is no such thing as objectively good taste.

Just wear what feels nice.

If you have to consult others to find out what looks good, and just kind of assume it does, isn't that a massively fucked up situation?

I would feel guilty getting a lot of help from a salesperson/personal shopper and then not buying anything. I'd feel like I was wasting their time. Is this silly?

That is far from silly. That is exactly the kind of attitude salespeople positively dream of.

[Mathmo]

(Disclaimer: I know nothing, this is all personal opinion, etc.)

How much effort do you want to put in / how much time and energy do you have for this at the moment?
If you have lots of time, then I'd suggest some time spent flicking through books on how to dress (Trinny & Susannah / Gok Wan sorts of things - my local library has lots of them and although I read and then ignore half of it, the other half is quite useful) / reading blogs (I follow http://www.alreadypretty.com which is pretty good on self-love / dressing the body you have / body-confidence) / spending several days (not all at once!) going into shops and trying lots of stuff on to see what you think of it. But if you have a million other responsibilities at the moment and not much time then maybe this isn't the best advice.

My top tip for getting dressed: buy a full length mirror. (Mine was ~£20 from Argos). Look in it most days. I don't remember ever really looking at myself full length until a few years ago (i.e. age 20+) and (this sounds obvious, but it wasn't to me) it's so much easier to decide whether what you're wearing looks OK when you can see all of it at once. Also, when you are used to looking at yourself full length, I think it makes it easier to decide whether an item of clothing is good or not when you're looking at yourself in the changing room mirror in a shop.

Body shape stuff can be really useful. When I was making a waistcoat for myself for a costume some months ago, I took my measurements and found out some really useful things about my shape. I have quite a short torso, and am at my narrowest pretty much just under my bust. This explains why things that are either really high waisted or that sit on the hips fit me - things with a "normal" waist (i.e. narrowest point roughly around belly-button height) won't tend to fit me because I am bigger round there than the standard patterns assume I would be (I'm basically a UK size 14 for bust/hips but about 8 inches bigger around the waist than the sizing charts suggest). Figuring this out has been really helpful because I can now look at a dress and have a good idea of whether it'll suit me or not straight away.

I've been wearing threadless teeshirts and such for the last several years and I'd like to move away from that teeshirt/hoodie style, it doesn't fit me well. I like the one scoop neck top I have, I'm dissatisfied with the regular necklined teeshirts.

Do you have any v-necked T shirts / tops? For work and things I try to wear 3/4 sleeve length T shirts and mine are either scoop neck or v neck/sweetheart and I think it makes them more grown up looking. Ones like this. They're comfy, come in lots of colours, and are nice and smooth under cardigans/jumpers/etc (e.g. no weird ruffles that make bumps).

Do you wear jewellery/other accessories? This can change the look of your clothes by quite a lot. I'm still learning that. But e.g. a neckline which looks kind of weird can change to looking awesome if you put the right necklace with it. If you do wear jewellery, what kind of things do you like? (delicate / chunky / bright colours / ?)

Like RD said, what colours do you like? What colours make you look good? I mostly think of my wardrobe as being made of 3 colours: deep pink, bright teal, and dark purple. I have clothes that are other colours as well (lots of grey at the moment, blue jeans, white and black things) but nearly everything I have can be worn with pink/teal/purple. I've found that generally, saturated colours look good on me and pastels tend to look awful (although I do have a few things that are muted colours - mostly muted purple/teal). To decide if a colour "looks good" on you, try holding it up to your face and thinking: does this make me look well-rested and alive?

(By the way, I also feel weird asking for salespeople's help if I'm not really strongly intending on buying something. I tend to just browse on my own, and try lots of things on.)

[Sonic#]

Whether I'm aware of it or not, I always have a style.

Body type - it's hard not to think in those terms. What others have said about it is better than what I could say, save that it's tough being tall.

Ordinarily, I go shopping once or twice a year for clothes. I prefer pants (khaki, corduroy, or jeans), polo shirts, button-ups, or t-shirts. I like texture, and prefer the colors blue, orange, and black.

I learned this over time. And some things I didn't realize for a long time. It was a combination of family gifts (where I gradually learned, "Oh, I like this, but never get me that) and shopping trial and error over years. Thrift stores or consignment shops are good places to experiment cheaply.

[Charli!]

Sizes differ massively between shops, I'm a size 16 in M&s and a size 12 in Asda, its all insane, I won't buy anything I can't try on anymore- I got bored of posting things back.

Don't feel guilty about taking in salespersons time, their job is to help you! They get paid and everything! Even if you don't buy anything, doesn't mean you won't one day buy something from there, or won't go around praising their shop for its helpfulness and drive business that way. (I do it.. I'm one of those horrible people who goes to try things on and then buys stuff online)

[rowan]

Yeah sizes are screwy - I have one dress that is a 6 (!) which I haven't worn since I was in high school, generally I'm a 14, and some things I'm an 18. Seriously, wtf, no wonder it's hard to figure out what to wear. This is why I never buy clothes online.

I find that the only way to find stuff that looks good is to wander around various stores, try stuff on. Stuff I think that will look good, when I get in the dressing room sometimes looks...really bizarre and bunches up funny. Other things that I'm kind of like "ehh..." turn out to look great. It's all about the cut, and unfortunately until you start just trying stuff on you'll never really be able to figure it out. Even after you have a general idea, you'll still find things that will be like "Oh I bet his will look cute" and then it will look weird. IDKfashion.

So I guess even if you think you hate something, it's still sometimes worth trying a . E.g. pleated can lay really nicely or can look weird if the pleats just happen to be in the wrong spot for your body.

[edit the sad parts]

I agree with Rowan, the best way to get an idea of what you like is to try stuff on. Even things you may not necessarily think will look good on you. I personally think that a skater skirt with a tucked t-shirt(with or without cardigan) and thin belt would be a good casual everyday look on you, but again, you need to try stuff on to see what makes you feel good.

As well, I know you guys were only trying to be nice but I don't think it's helpful to conflate Lill's dress size and her health, and I don't think that is what she was asking anyone to do...not so kosher.

[branchpattern]

Buying clothes really is mostly about walking into a store, finding something you think looks nice, and trying it on to see how it looks. When you go into stores, you'll get a feel for what kind of clothes they sell and will be able to discern whether that store fits your tastes or not. But you can also look online at a store's website and expedite the process somewhat.
The internet is really helpful about looking at clothes and figuring out what you like. There are websites that simply outline the different kinds of tops or bottoms in the market. You can also look at stores online to simply get a feel for what's out there. Really though, to know if a piece of clothing will look good on you you have to go into a store and try it on.

[lillerina]

I went out and tried on a bunch of stuff yesterday, and didn't find anything I liked enough to buy. Things I discovered include that tops sized 14-16 fit me well in most shops, although a lot of 16s are too big across the shoulders. Scoop necklines are good, squared scoop necklines (I have no idea what to call those) look great. Vertical detailing like buttons or piping are great, frills, tucks, flounces and ruffles are terrible. I can wear some medium-larger prints and look great but smaller prints make me look like wallpaper. Nowhere has skirts/dresses in right now, and the tops that are out there tend to look like they're designed to look good with jeans. I'm sure they do, but I don't own/wear jeans. Most of the stuff out there has sleeves that are too long and hems that are too low for me. Hems on shirts which are longer than my hips pull back in under my belly and emphasise it, but shirts that end an inch or so below my belly button look good on me.

I tend to wear darker colours. I like purples/blues and blue-greens, not yellow-greens. I don't wear orange or yellow. I sometimes wear red and occasionally deep pink. I like black and charcoal grey, but not beige/browns so much. I don't wear jewellery other than small earrings and occasionally a necklace.

Peasant tops puff back in under my belly and look weird and feel uncomfortable, but I like the one-shouldered one that RD linked to. It's less peplum-y than the ones I tried on. I like A-line skirts. My tastes are for clean, straight lines, nothing frayed, frilly, fussy, ruffled, etc.

What do people mean when they say blazers? Like a suit jacket? How does it differ from a suit jacket? I'd like sundresses, but more structured in style than the ones RD linked to, if that makes sense. Crisper, maybe. I don't know the language to use.

ETA: Also, if I find a top that I think is cute and nice but is too long, should I just get it and shorten it? I have a sewing machine, I can alter clothes to some extent, but I find myself reacting against buying clothes just to alter them.

[rowan]

Do you sew at all? I generally try to avoid modding clothing I buy, but the one thing I will do is hem stuff. So if you find a shirt you like that's just too long, hemming it to just below your belly button is pretty easy. Sleeves though are too much work, IMO. [eta: lol you just said that in your edit]

blazers are kind of like suit jackets, but a tidge less dressy. Or like, a less formal suit jacket kind of thing.

It sounds to me like you're at least starting to figure out what to look for.

[eta2:] another thing you could do is if you see something you like but the color is off, try it on for fit and then see if you can find it in another color online.

[monk]

ETA: Also, if I find a top that I think is cute and nice but is too long, should I just get it and shorten it? I have a sewing machine, I can alter clothes to some extent, but I find myself reacting against buying clothes just to alter them.

Don't do this. You have to remember that clothes are made for the masses but everyone's body is a little different. If you find an item of clothing that you like that is a little too large in the sleeve or hem but is a good deal, buy it. Even if you don't want to alter it yourself, tailors are cheap, they will usually do a new hem line for just a couple of dollars and if you use the same tailor all the time they will usually give you discounts for being a repeat customer when you bring them multiple items.

I know a guy who gets his Tshirts altered because he hates the way they fit him.