Talky no talky?

[katrinioso]

What's the post-going-on-a-date-zero-communication grace period? Isn't it generally like three days or something? Does the asker-outer just assume the asked-outee isn't interested after that point?

BLLLLLAAAAAAH IDK HOW TO DO THIS I WAS UGLY AND SMELLY WHEN I WAS OF THE AGE MOST PEOPLE ARE WHEN THEY GET THIS SHIT FIGURED OUT that and I hate putting myself out on a limb and stuff

[Sonic#]

I have no idea. Three days is a decent rule that's worked as a maximum in my experience. Usually in successful dates, I've heard something (or broken the silence) by then. For dates that don't turn into further dates, experience varies. I always try to say I'm not interested outright, but some people stall for about a week before they send the message, "Meh." Others will never talk to me again, which perhaps hurts the most, since I end up reading the silence for a sign of it being lack of interest, active disgust, or whatever.

Oh, quick questions - what's the method of contact? IM, phone, e-mail, text, smoke signals? Have you already tried contacting them?

[edit the sad parts]

I would say that, unless things are really hectic for them right now, they probably aren't into it. However, some people are social deviants and maybe wouldn't contact you for a week, or are waiting to hear from you...

Have you tried to get in touch?

[monk]

there is no grace period, if you want to know how it went from their perspective, ask. What method you use to communicate is pretty much up to you though a phone call is nice if you're not too shy. and the best way to know how it went is to have a second outing ready for suggestion and use that to gauge the reaction.

For instance:
you call whomever, you say hi.howareyou.iamfine.blahblahblah. then you say

"I had a good time the other night/day/whatever when we danced/ate/killedchickens and I would like to go out again. Are you free on Saturday?

Now they will either say yes because they had a good time or no.

if they say no because they are busy they will likely give you back a new suggestion for a different day...if they say no but don't suggest a different day then likely it didn't go as well as you thought.

At that point you get to decided whether to find out what went wrong or drop it and go fishing for another date with another person.

call.
there is no reason to wait.

[cwbyrvr]

I agree with Monk. They could be waiting for you to make a move, wondering why you haven't contacted them and feeling lame.

Just call them up/however you tend to contact them and tell them you had a nice time and would they like to go to _______ on _______ day.

[monk]

or you could just go find them in person, walk up to them, place your hand gently at the back of their neck and start making out with them. if they pull back, it's still okay, if they run away it wasn't meant to be, if they call the cops know that you'll get to see them again at trial

[katrinioso]

Blegh I finally texted her today just like what's up or whatever and she was like just out with friends for a birthday party and I'm like oh thats cool you know cause I didn't wanna make conversation while she's out doing things... I dunno, if I don't hear from her by Friday I quit.

[Mathmo]

Is there anything you can text and suggest doing? Like "hey there is X exhibition on at this museum and I wondered if it might be your thing?"

[monk]

That^ or text her "hey, I'm making ________ for dinner, want some?"

[cwbyrvr]

So it's after Friday, anything happen with this?

[CTM]

ah, people are so funny... we all recognize that a person's true feelings are complex and difficult to get at, and yet we try to impose arbitrary decision rules to figure out what they're all about. if she didn't call you in three days, it could just be that she thinks it's the asker-outers role to follow-up on the date. Interfering friends could be stupidly advising her to play it cool. she could be a tragic emotional nutcase that is terrified of intimacy. i had such low self-esteem when i met my husband, that i just didn't believe he actually liked me for who i am.... i tried to ignore him for a while, and then reluctantly started to date him, got angry when he told me he loved me.... 8 years later, happily married. That was a relationship that never should have flown (through my own fault). i asked him once why he even bothered with all my bullshit, and he said he hadn't been thinking straight. So rationalism and decision rules play a pretty minor, if any, role. Maybe a better overall determinant of romantic success is how much shit you can take.

good luck!!!