Are Compliments Emotional?

[Daktoria]

Compliments are more complicated than I thought.

I've always believed we compliment each other not to make that person feel pleasant, but to show appreciation for what someone did.

I guess some people would believe those are the same thing, but to me, appreciation is more intuitive. It's not emotional. It's just a state of mind where you realize someone completed a system.

It's hard to explain better than that.

(Edited thanks to Rowan)

[rowan]

Complement, or compliment?

Personally I like complements. A nice summery white sangria would be a nice complement to my fruit and cheese plate. Of course, I don't have either right now, nor is it summer. Alas. However, I do not think complements are terribly complicated.

As for compliments, I think they can be used in both ways you suggest. It's generally recognized than encouragement is more effective than praise, in young children, for example, but both could be labeled compliments. Some compliments can cause difficulties, e.g. if everyone says "Oh you are so pretty!" but never asks you about intellectual things, one might grow up socialized to think that pretty was more important than smart. So yes, compliments can be quite complicated.

[zibber]

I can compliment someone for complementing me. Compliments can be a part of complementing. It's definitely a complex issue we are talking about here.

Personally, though, I don't want fruit anywhere near my cheese. I like my cheese old and salty and to go with dark, complex wine. As complex as this issue.

[Daktoria]

Complement, or compliment?

Personally I like complements. A nice summery white sangria would be a nice complement to my fruit and cheese plate. Of course, I don't have either right now, nor is it summer. Alas. However, I do not think complements are terribly complicated.

This made me laugh, thanks. I can't believe I made that mistake.

As for compliments, I think they can be used in both ways you suggest. It's generally recognized than encouragement is more effective than praise, in young children, for example, but both could be labeled compliments. Some compliments can cause difficulties, e.g. if everyone says "Oh you are so pretty!" but never asks you about intellectual things, one might grow up socialized to think that pretty was more important than smart. So yes, compliments can be quite complicated.

Oh, I definitely agree that compliments CAN be used as encouragement, but they shouldn't be. That leads to codependence and false expectations. What you described about being socialized improperly is exactly that.

_______________

I can compliment someone for complementing me. Compliments can be a part of complementing. It's definitely a complex issue we are talking about here.

Personally, though, I don't want fruit anywhere near my cheese. I like my cheese old and salty and to go with dark, complex wine. As complex as this issue.

This made me laugh too. :-)

Thanks for helping me "lighten up".

[rowan]

Oh, I think a nice tart apple might go nicely with a dark red, and some old salty cheese... clearly we will have to test this hypothesis.

[eta: eh we all make spelling errors now and then but I thought this one was funny ]

[zibber]

Oh, I think a nice tart apple might go nicely with a dark red, and some old salty cheese... clearly we will have to test this hypothesis.

I don't know. I just don't really eat apples in the evening. I'm kind of finding myself wondering, now, why there would have to be any kind of apple involved in this scenario.

Apple cider -- now we're talking. To top off the wine & cheese.

[Sonic#]

They can be emotional, but they need not be. They can be a form of appreciation or praise. They can be intended in order to give gratification to the one complimented. None of these answers is exclusive to one another.

[monk]

I think a nice slice of apple pie can complement a fine cheese nicely.


Compliments on the other hand are complicated. Social interaction is a variable beast, compliments and courtesy can go a long way to lubricate interactions that can be dry and boring and possibly defuse in advance confrontation. It's much more difficult to be negative to someone who is being overly positive towards you.


mmmm pie.

[Daktoria]

Oh, I think a nice tart apple might go nicely with a dark red, and some old salty cheese... clearly we will have to test this hypothesis.

Wow (!).......

...I'm wondering how many people got all the innuendos packed into that description.

Why must it take so long to build a sense of humor? :-(

I think a nice slice of apple pie can complement a fine cheese nicely.


Compliments on the other hand are complicated. Social interaction is a variable beast, compliments and courtesy can go a long way to lubricate interactions that can be dry and boring and possibly defuse in advance confrontation. It's much more difficult to be negative to someone who is being overly positive towards you.


mmmm pie.

Figures Monk picked up on it.

[rowan]

ahaha my dirty mind wrote that without even informing me of its dirtiness. lol. Go me.

why there would have to be any kind of apple involved in this scenario.

oh there wouldn't have to be. but you might be missing out.

[spacefem]

I've always believed we compliment each other not to make that person feel pleasant, but to show appreciation for what someone did.

What's the difference? That's like saying "I gave her a blender because I wanted her to have a blender, not because I wanted to give her one." EITHER WAY SHE'S GOT A BLENDER.

[LunchBox]

Where the frack did this thread go? In any case it made me giggle regardless of topic.

On topic- I think this is too deeply to be thinking into compliments. They can be for a number of reasons from any angle. Some scumbag complimenting a woman in order to get into her pants is very different from that random stranger who stops you and tells your how pretty your ass-length hair is. There is no single reason or mechanism at work in compliments, just an expression.

I like pie, you all can keep the cheese.

[Rainbow Dolphins]

Oh, I think a nice tart apple might go nicely with a dark red, and some old salty cheese... clearly we will have to test this hypothesis.

I don't know. I just don't really eat apples in the evening. I'm kind of finding myself wondering, now, why there would have to be any kind of apple involved in this scenario.

Apple cider -- now we're talking. To top off the wine & cheese.

Have you ever put a slice of fine cheese on top of a slice of fresh fruit, an apple, or a pear, and sat and ate it with a nice glass of wine? It's AMAZING, and one of the most fancy and sophisticated things you can do. Don't judge fruit on how they taste by themselves! Yes, just picking up an apple and eating it seems like a breakfast or a between-mealtimes snack, but they can be so much more. What about grilled fruit? What about poached apples? What about apples poached in wine?

Just something to think about.

[zibber]

I've always believed we compliment each other not to make that person feel pleasant, but to show appreciation for what someone did.

What's the difference? That's like saying "I gave her a blender because I wanted her to have a blender, not because I wanted to give her one." EITHER WAY SHE'S GOT A BLENDER.

Sounds like we have a mutual friend.

Name's Bill Ockham!

Have you ever put a slice of fine cheese on top of a slice of fresh fruit, an apple, or a pear, and sat and ate it with a nice glass of wine? It's AMAZING, and one of the most fancy and sophisticated things you can do. Don't judge fruit on how they taste by themselves! Yes, just picking up an apple and eating it seems like a breakfast or a between-mealtimes snack, but they can be so much more. What about grilled fruit? What about poached apples? What about apples poached in wine?

Just something to think about.

I've been making a lot of applesauce lately. Cinnamonny goodness.

ps. I like how specific you are

(But what if I want to do it standing, he exclaimed.)

[drunken dragon]

Polls with only two options make baby Jesus CRY.

[deanimal]

I've always believed we compliment each other not to make that person feel pleasant, but to show appreciation for what someone did.

What's the difference? That's like saying "I gave her a blender because I wanted her to have a blender, not because I wanted to give her one." EITHER WAY SHE'S GOT A BLENDER.

Oh, I don't know. With a blender, it's obviously totally irrelevant, but with something more sensitive, say diet books or exercise equipment or some item that really applied more to your own interest, there might be some social/relational ramifications depending on your true or perceived motivations. I can see how this could extend to certain compliments.

[Daktoria]

What's the difference? That's like saying "I gave her a blender because I wanted her to have a blender, not because I wanted to give her one." EITHER WAY SHE'S GOT A BLENDER.

The difference is even if someone likes smoothies, you wouldn't give a blender to someone who forgets to put the lid on (and uses a hand instead).

(Whoever interprets that in three ways gets a prize. :-P)

[Rainbow Dolphins]

Have you ever put a slice of fine cheese on top of a slice of fresh fruit, an apple, or a pear, and sat and ate it with a nice glass of wine? It's AMAZING, and one of the most fancy and sophisticated things you can do. Don't judge fruit on how they taste by themselves! Yes, just picking up an apple and eating it seems like a breakfast or a between-mealtimes snack, but they can be so much more. What about grilled fruit? What about poached apples? What about apples poached in wine?

Just something to think about.

I've been making a lot of applesauce lately. Cinnamonny goodness.

ps. I like how specific you are

(But what if I want to do it standing, he exclaimed.)

Well, hell, you don't stand and eat fine cheese and fruit and wine. I mean if you're at a tapas party you will stand around with a wine glass in your hand and eat... but that is not what we are discussing.

[Neko]

Well, hell, you don't stand and eat fine cheese and fruit and wine. I mean if you're at a tapas party you will stand around with a wine glass in your hand and eat... but that is not what we are discussing.

May I sample your apples while standing? (my face) I'm about the right height for it.

[Mordak]

Room temperature triple cream brie and fresh off the tree ripe peaches = rave in my mouth, with my tastebuds going untzuntzuntzuntz.

[Storage and Disposal]

I think I like the direction this thread is heading.

[Mordak]

wallace and gromit approve of this thread.

[Rainbow Dolphins]

YES!! CHEESE, GR0MIT!

[zibber]

60s John Cleese would approve, but he can't seem to get any cheese.