sibling rivalry

[spacefem]

so I have one child, and multiple people are telling me that if she wants a little sibling they need to be close in age to get along well. I kinda think this is bullshit, because my sister and I are more than 3 years apart and we're BFFs. I know siblings who are 1 year apart and hate each other. I think it's got nothing to do with age. but hey, no better way to find out the TRUTH than with a poll!

And I realize "getting along" is vague and there's a lot of in-between... let's just say, do you love each other? like hanging out together? share deep dark secrets? visit? have nice conversations on a regular basis without fighting?

making checkyboxes for those of you with more than one sibling. if you have more than five (WOW) pick the most intense relationships, k?

[monk]

My sister (5 years older) and I were close when we were younger but time, circumstance, and personal philosophies have conspired to separate us. I still have hopes of growing close again, but we're both pretty stubborn so it's unlikely to happen.

[Mathmo]

3 years apart, we love each other (now), had what I think of as pretty normal sibling rivalries when we were younger (i.e. until I was about 16 and she was about 13), and then she was a teenager for a bit and I was an observer for a bit but now we're closer, probably have been since the point where we stopped living together.

I'm kind of tempted to hypothesise that 3 years apart is possibly less easy to handle than either a smaller or a larger gap (smaller gap = difference of abilities get in the way less? larger gap = different dynamic?) but I reckon that's probably nonsense really because personality and temperament differences are probably much bigger influences in how things turn out. E.g. my sister usually wanted to tag along with what I was doing and sometimes that was a pain and she was sometimes considerably less competent at whatever-it-was; OTOH she was super-clumsy as a child and I wasn't so probably even if we were twins there'd be some things I could do easily that she couldn't.

We're close now (both in our 20s), and understand each other pretty well I think. She's also important to me because we have a shared history - as we grew up in New Zealand but then moved to the UK ~10 years ago, she's the only person who really gets all the little things about my childhood (what TV programs were on, what snacks were popular, etc) which is a small thing in a way but it's also really really nice to have someone who *does* "get" those things. And yeah, apart from my parents she's the person I've known for the longest, so that's important, too.

[Meperidine]

Had/sometimes still have hella sibling rivalry and tension with my sister (18, I'm 20) but we're super close and love each other very much. My 11-year-old brother and I are tight as hell, he thinks I rock. He drives my sister crazy though.

[SakuraSong]

3 years apart. More than saying we don't like each other, I should say we really fucking hate each other.

But that was mostly in part because we had to fight each other for privileges, friends, and parental attention. We had wicked competition with each other over money too, and when you grow up with your sibling like that, it's really hard to turn around and say "Hey, let's get along."

The other sibling and I have 8 years apart, but we're pretty civil towards each other. Mostly because he has a fine appreciation for lacy clothing, and because we're not the same gender.

[Sonic#]

I miss my siblings, so I like them.

I have three of them. My oldest is five years older, my next oldest about three and a half years older. My sisters were very mischievous with me when I was young. K would usually lead the teasing, while D would be both quieter and more sinister, teaching little speech-impediment me to say "I was born on a pirate ship" (I was so proud). We got along though, pals on car trips, compatriots when we screwed up and got lectured, and frequent playmates. They grew up, and I did soon after - we don't keep in as good contact as we should, but we get along well. K is boisterous and a little quirky, D is civil with a snappish wit, and I'm the slightly quiet, goofy upstart. The best part is that we're all more than that.

Then there's my younger brother. I list him separately because he's so far out from us in age - 9 years - that there's a significant part of my life where he was not. My sisters and I were supposed to be it, and we had our own, long-ingrained dynamic when we learned that our mom was pregnant. I went from youngest to middle, from center of attention to left-of-camera. I resented it a little. I pestered him some. Even at the time, I wondered why I did it. I liked him - hell, I loved him - but as a 13 year old I'd do stupid things like lifting him up and setting him into an empty trash can at the ball park. (He started crying and I got him out.) I got to see him through the first half of elementary school, just S and I home most afternoons after I got him from the bus stop. We'd hang out, play games together. When I went to college, I missed most of the rest of his childhood. (He's a year from college now.) He's grown from being a tormented extrovert only in tenuous control of his temper into a cool, relaxed young man. I view him as friend and brother, and also a little like a nephew, someone who does sometimes need a little advice in the form of a lecture.

My partner calls our sibling dynamic very competitive. Perhaps it is, but we don't (any longer) bite each other's heads off when we lose a game.

I expect that siblings are the sort of thing that I never needed. I could've been happy without them. However, having them was an experience that I wouldn't want to miss.

[Aum]

7 years apart. In the beginning we had a lot of conflict, but later she became like my second mother giving me all the practical and realistic advice on life (i.e. sex ed) that my actual parents weren't giving.

[Bork]

My brother and I are 5 years apart, and my sister and I are 9. We love each other, but we aren't particularly close, although that's been changing as we get older and have more in common.

[Aelwyn]

Only child here. I don't think my parents wanted another kid after toddler times with me.

[rowan]

My brother and I are 3 years apart. We were all right growing up, more or less, with some hate + love mixed in, I think like most siblings. We had a period of - I'll call it "philosophical difference" - when we got older, now we're kind of... well maybe if he grew up a little more we'd be a little closer.

My sisters, much younger than me (>10 years). There wasn't any of the hatin' that goes with siblings closer to you in age, but neither were we like BFF or anything. I mean, I was in college before they turned into thinking people, right? But now I'm SUPER close to my one sis and pretty close with the other one.

Mostly closeness now that we're adults comes down to whether or not we disagree on fundamental issues, I think. Which, y'know, is kind of what one might expect, given a mostly happy family growing up experience. I think I am one of the few people I know whose parents are not divorced, for example.

[cwbyrvr]

My brother and I are 2.5 years apart and we didn't get along very well growing up. I do remember a time where we did except for the random outbursts of terrible from him, but at least by the time he was a teenager, it was pretty bad. I wouldn't say we don't love each other, though.

My little sister is 15 years younger than me and I love her deeply, but sadly haven't been around her nearly as much as I would like given I've lived about 250 miles away for the last ~6 years and that's more than half her life.

[Storage and Disposal]

Only child. Had a couple of step brothers for a little while. That was fun while that lasted, but my dad and their mom got divorced. I still occasionally hear from them though.

[demonicpoison]

My older sister is 18 years older than I am and we've always gotten along well.

My younger sister is 4 years younger and we have a love/hate relationship. I think it has more to do with our personalities than our age differences.

[SakuraSong]

From poll results, I would say that it's not based on age differences, but how both are raised. I'm surprised, actually; I thought there would be more dissonance with the 8+ year gaps.

[Rainbow Dolphins]

My sister is two years older than me and, like, sakky, we do not get along. At all. It's better now because she's grown up a little bit, and I've had a few years away from home... but for quite a stretch of time, including the last year or so that we both lived at my parents' house, she was just a Bad Person, seriously. But since she was about to move out and my parents didn't want to Ruin Their Relationship with her, my sister treated me like shit and nobody stood up for me (I tried to stand up for myself and got lectured about it). Even before it came to a head, for most of our adolescense my sister and I basically ignored each other. And we sometimes TERRORIZED each other as kids.

I emphasize, our relationship is a lot better now (civil, at least, and she treats me with some respect) but I still don't think I'd be comfortable saying I love her.

[Eravial]

My older stepsister and I are less than a year apart, and we became stepsisters at ages 14 and 15. We were really different for the first couple years, but got along really well regardless. When we reached age 16/17, we started to drift together more and now in our early twenties she is one of the most important people in the world to me. We don't talk a whole lot, but are always just a source of support to each other and it's pretty awesome. We were both only children of divorced parents and I guess we just bonded easily. So yes, I do love my sister.

[anonymousrabbit]

I have two siblings, one 2 years younger than me, the other 4 years younger. We are very close and are very important in each others' lives.

[monkeypoop]

My sister is 6.5 years older than me and we hate each other. She is the worst person I know. Weirdly enough, I am going to be the maid of honor in her wedding and I have no idea why.

[MFS]

I'm 4 years older than my brother, 6 older than my sister. We were very different from each other as kids, my brother and I having some commonalities (especially playing with transformers, gi joe etc). Later, my sister had more in common with the music I liked. Today we're all peachy 'n stuff.

Now, looking at my kids - oldest two are only 22 months apart (Ryan and Matthew) - they'll try to kill each other, then play together, then be heated rivals, then ignore each other. Just seems to be what they do. They have very different personalities. Go down to boy #3(Alex) and he's more like the oldest, but being 3 years younger than #2, he's still viewed as not as much of a threat by the older two. Then you've got Tommy, 8 years younger than Ryan... the cute-factor keeps him alive... way too clever for a tiny guy. But the dynamics between all 4 of them can change so rapidly - Alex and Tommy playing great together, then suddenly Tommy is jumping on top of Alex trying to kill him. Just how it goes.

Now, as far as age needing to be close for kids to play together - there's some amount of truth to that, but a lot of is will come down to how they're raised, and what their personalities end up like.

[kelsa]

My sister and I are 4.5 years apart. I like it because we were never in the same school at the same time. I saw older siblings terrorize younger siblings at school and have a WHOLE BACKUP TEAM of bullies and was always very thankful I didn't get that.

We're very very very different people but I love her. I can't even begin to scratch the surface of the differences.