Women's consent in bed?

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Chad

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Women's consent in bed?

Postby Chad » Mon Feb 27, 16:44 2017

Good day. My bro says I'm seriously wrong with this but I don't see the problem honestly.
If a chick is in my bed I am gonna smash don't care what she says. Just the fact that she is spending the night means passive consent she doesn't have to actually agree verbally to sex just like I am not going to verbally ask her which kills the mood.
I would like to hear your opinion, what do you think?
~ No hymen no Simon says ~

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rowan
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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby rowan » Mon Feb 27, 16:47 2017

That is rape.

I hope any and all women say this to being in your bed:
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Sonic#
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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Sonic# » Mon Feb 27, 17:40 2017

You don't establish safe guidelines for consent because you're afraid of killing the mood?

Why would good communication ruin a mood?

Why does the gender of the participant matter? Anyone's consent should be respected.

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby tomokun » Mon Feb 27, 18:06 2017

So, if you bring your car to a mechanic for an oil change... you're not going to be pissed if they do $12,000 worth of "repairs" to your car before asking?

I mean, if it needs to be fixed, and it's on the rack, asking you to make those repairs is CRAZY, right? If you brought it in for an oil change, you've given them passive consent to do MORE than an oil change... at least according to your logic.

Taking the LEAP of faith I was glad to receive when I first came to this forum, and assuming you aren't a troll... laws work because they are consistent. So this example is a consistent way in which consent is applied legally. If you have done anything like this, legally, you are a rapist.

The SECOND you change your mind before they make those $12K worth of repairs, you would want them to stop what they are doing and give you back your car, right? Is there a scenario where they were NOT done making the repairs that you would think you were responsible for the bill if they didn't ask you to make those repairs before they started making them?

Or, let's get really interesting here. Let's say your larger, stronger, MMA fighting new friend invites you over to his pad for brews and MMA videos. His TV is on the fritz, so you go into his room. You're too drunk to drive so he tells you to spend the night.

And then, he proceeds to "smash". By YOUR rules, you just gave him passive consent, no matter WHAT you say. You DO realize that most men that get raped don't report it... wonder how many of your "friends" that agree with you are secretly gay and taking what you say as "passive consent" champ. ;)

But more realistically...
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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Bork » Mon Feb 27, 23:00 2017

^^^ I like that one!!!
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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Nech » Mon Feb 27, 23:12 2017

Rowan stop changing your avatar! D:
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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Unvoiced_Apollo » Tue Feb 28, 6:58 2017

See Tomokun's response for my opinion.

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby rowan » Tue Feb 28, 10:22 2017

*claps for tomokun*
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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Nachos » Tue Feb 28, 18:11 2017

Someone needs to explain the tea consent metaphor to you I think.
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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby theal » Wed Mar 1, 8:14 2017

"don't care what she says" - you're admitting to committing rape, man.

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby rinn » Thu Mar 2, 13:15 2017

I think tomokun's response won in this thread. :flamethrower:

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Ana » Sun Mar 12, 13:13 2017

Chad wrote:If a chick is in my bed I am gonna smash don't care what she says. Just the fact that she is spending the night means passive consent she doesn't have to actually agree verbally to sex just like I am not going to verbally ask her which kills the mood.


Is 'killing the mood' worse than having a real consent? Are you serious?

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby feministpal82 » Sun Mar 12, 22:04 2017

So you would rather terrify and rape your partner than "kill the mood"? That is terrible!!!
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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby tomokun » Mon Mar 13, 11:12 2017

So, thanks, I'm glad the analogy was appreciated. It's not as posh as tea, but I thought British humour might be to subtle. :p

I really think he must have been a trolly-troll, because none of this adds up unless you account for someone with the attention span of a 6-year-old.... either that or he's lawyering up as we speak. Dollars to donuts, he hasn't logged back in since his last post. Still... if there ARE guys that actually think this way, I really am of the opinion that there must be some sort of personality disorder at play, right?

Because otherwise, I think I'm missing the part where a woman not wanting to have sex with me isn't already enough of a mood killer for me to stop. Like... I just don't get this. Even moderate disinterest and apathy is enough to kill the mood. There is such a thing as tacit consent.... which is basically the absence of a negative response accompanied by enthusiastic engagement (which implies coherence incidentally). Which is all fine and dandy as long as you are able to pick up on those non-verbal cues and everyone is having a good time. As some of you may recall, ******possible trigger warning, although I'm going to attempt to be as vague as possible*****

I took a deep dive into erotica a while back, exploring the idea of feminist erotica, and that even led me down a rabbit hole of some stuff that is a bit darker than BDSM, and even in most of THAT stuff there was an element of consent attached, as if the aggressor were unlocking hidden desires, etc. I'm not going to go into detail, but the point being is that the one big HOPE I have in all of this is that even when dominance is what is triggering arousal, I think for most people, and even most guys, consent is actually desired.

Maybe I'm just a crazy egomaniac, but the very idea that someone would have sex with me out of pity, fear, or "poor judgment" is the ULTIMATE mood killer. Unconscious is too much like necrophilia, and anything less than gleeful participation is about as sexy and arousing as a trip to the DMV. I don't exactly have the stats or studies to back this up of course, but I think most of the cases (which would be the repeat offenders) are likely sadists (to one degree or another) and then you have some delusional, rationalizers, and maybe some folks who are just genuinely bad at reading social skill (i.e. possibly on the spectrum, etc.)?

And to really arrive at that answer, I think we need to start looking in places that are super progressive - like Sweden? That's the country that was "super rapey" because women felt safe reporting the crimes and each instance was it's own charge? I think only in that sort of culture there is a wide-enough sampling of rapists to get a good cross-section of what these perps are thinking.

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Aum » Tue Mar 14, 13:19 2017

Obvious troll is obvious.

Hot profile pic btw, even though it's probably not you.
The artist's job is not to succumb to despair, but to find an antidote to the emptiness of existence. -W.A.

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Sonic# » Tue Mar 14, 20:45 2017

^ Google says the avatar is "Bachelorette Villain Chad Johnson."

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Aum » Fri Mar 17, 12:27 2017

How did you search for the origin of the picture?

He is handsome but veiny muscle is gross.
The artist's job is not to succumb to despair, but to find an antidote to the emptiness of existence. -W.A.

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby Sonic# » Fri Mar 17, 12:40 2017

Reverse image search! If you use Google's image search (images.google.com), look for a camera in the right side of the search bar. Click on it, and you can upload/link to an image that you want to find. You'll usually get different places that the image has been used, and sometimes images like the one you posted. One time I was able to find where a JRPG had recycled an actual image of a stained glass window in a church in that game using a high-contrast screenshot.

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Re: Women's consent in bed?

Postby sadsmile123 » Wed Mar 29, 7:00 2017

Hi Chad! I think it sounds a bit harsh as you state it. I think sometimes you can indeed non-verbally agree to sex, especially if the women are leading (then, there is no doubt); but if she doesn’t like it anymore, don’t do it, even if you have already a protection on; notice that women may be unsure at times. If you notice that, ask. You may still "get lucky" or not. If you REALLY don't want to ask her, just use something else to "smash" yourself (like your hands or I guess a sex toy for men - they do exist!) and leave her out of the equation. Imagine you were in prison and the soap fell on the ground... So, to sum up: she can choose at any point, just as you can if you don't want to do it anymore. You can say: "Hey babe, I'm tired of this. Let's read a book."
If she cannot consent anymore because she passed out/fell asleep/etc., then you should leave her alone - no exception.


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