Yes, I know

Bitching, whining, complaining, and general negativity

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drunken dragon
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Yes, I know

Postby drunken dragon » Tue Feb 14, 22:05 2012

Valentine's Day is a largely evil, corporate-invented consumer-driven holiday. It has no purpose except for you to buy chocolate and flowers and other various superficial bullshit.

That said.
Boyfriend bought me a t-shirt.
A Braves (baseball team) shirt. With my favorite player's name and number on the back.
A T-SHIRT.
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER A YEAR.
I feel like a giant bitch for being even vaguely upset about this because the shirt took some thought. And I haven't said anything negative to him about it. Just ohymygodthankyouIloveit, because I do. I really do.
BUT WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER A YEAR. Doesn't that warrant some JEWELRY or something? I'm not talking diamonds or an engagement ring or gold or whatever. But some earrings? A bracelet? A YEAR.

D:

I'm done being distraught. This probably isn't right of me. Wait, DEFINITELY isn't.
I just feel like he thinks I'm his buddy and not someone more important right now.
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rowan
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby rowan » Tue Feb 14, 22:18 2012

Sometimes that kind of thing gets me too. :/
*hug*
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Ama
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby Ama » Tue Feb 14, 22:35 2012

Just think about it this way. If he had bought you jewelry, he would just be getting you a sort of generically valentinesy gift that he could have bought for any girl. Buying you the t-shirt means he cared enough to get you a gift that was specifically for YOU. It is a bit of an odd choice for a valentine's gift though. But thoughtful!
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Storage and Disposal
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby Storage and Disposal » Tue Feb 14, 22:41 2012

I don't think he thinks of you as his buddy. I mean, if I put that much thought into a V-Day present for a friend, I think they might get the wrong idea.

What did you get him?
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monk
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby monk » Tue Feb 14, 22:55 2012

I think you need to appreciate the time, effort, & thoughtfulness vs. the spending of cash. I mean, he could have spent $$ and bought you jewelry yesterday if he hadn't been thinking about what to get you long before that.
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drunken dragon
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby drunken dragon » Tue Feb 14, 22:59 2012

This shirt was $50. I can probably guess which website he ordered it from.

I bought him a steak dinner and took him to see Episode 1 in 3D because we're Star Wars freaks. I would have gotten him a card but he doesn't like cards because he never knows when is the correct time to throw them away, especially if they're from a girlfriend or something.

I appreciate the originality of the gift I guess, but the thing is I'm only a baseball fan because he is and he got me into it. And I have a team cap and my player's rookie card, which he gave me also on separate occasions.

I know flowers wilt, and chocolates are the devil, and jewelry is pretty generic. But I guess I just wanted something to show off to my girlfriends, you know? I feel so horrible and superficial just typing that, like "Lol he loves me this many dollars' worth!" But I guess I just thought I'd get a girlfriend-type gift this year, you know? Last Valentines he bought me flowers and a pool cue.

I guess I could also shut the fuck up, since he also bought me the kindle fire I am currently typing on.
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby monk » Tue Feb 14, 23:07 2012

You have every right to feel as you do. But just like he's made you aware he doesn't want a card, I think you need to make him aware that you want some shiny metal to wear. Don't do it now and hurt his feelings but when the next occasion looms on the horizon hit him hard with the bling bling hint hint stick.
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby drunken dragon » Tue Feb 14, 23:15 2012

Obligatory semi-double post shame.

I'm really wary of hints because multiple people have informed me his ex was a pushy creep who kept asking "when are we gonna get maaaarriiiieeeddd" during their second year of dating and kept surreptitiously leaving jewelry catalogues around his house, i.e. on his keyboard. I don't want to be that person, or mistaken for that person.

I guess I'll figure something out.
I'm going to go kick myself for caring about this now. I never thought I would.
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Storage and Disposal
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby Storage and Disposal » Tue Feb 14, 23:31 2012

Hints can be pretty obvious without being pushy. For example, if you want a certain type of gift, accidentally stumble across it in a store and get noticeably excited about at some point getting it a couple of weeks before your birthday! RD tests this and it's proven to work! At least on me.
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby LunchBox » Tue Feb 14, 23:55 2012

Storage and Disposal wrote:Hints can be pretty obvious without being pushy. For example, if you want a certain type of gift, accidentally stumble across it in a store and get noticeably excited about at some point getting it a couple of weeks before your birthday! RD tests this and it's proven to work! At least on me.


I do this very thing to my dude before every occasion. Either that or I be very direct about what I would like. Last valentines day I told my boyfriend it was ok that we do nothing and not feed into the holiday but I ended up largely disappointed and he noticed. This year I told him: bring on the candy, flowers, and jewelery. I had a great valentines day today. I made him this grand sort of box fort with lots of baked goods and a warm jacket so we both ended up happy. Moral of the story: don't be afraid or feel selfish to just ask for what makes you happy. If I was in your position I'd be annoyed too. I think it's just that guys have no clue what to do with holidays like these so he probably thought he was getting something unique, but I absolutely understand why that on your end would be disappointing. Maybe just be honest with him about what will make you happy on holidays like that, guys seem to like that.

Sorry you had a less than amazing valentines day. It's never fun. There is nothing wrong or selfish about you for being upset. At a year I'd be pissed for that kind of thing too, oh wait I did get get all sulky last year. So you are entitled to whatever feelings you hold about the matter. If I knew you irl I'd improve your valentines by creeper giving you flowers and macaroons whilst wearing lingerie like I did to my roommates.

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Re: Yes, I know

Postby zibber » Wed Feb 15, 3:06 2012

I would mention this, talk about this. For really reals. I think it would be the healthy thing to do for both of you as individuals and as a couple, no matter what the outcome. Your needs were not met, and this is extremely salient to the relationship.

You could, of course, just resort to subterfuge. This eliminates the need to be frank and forward and communicate.
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby dwarp » Wed Feb 15, 3:23 2012

One year I got a cat scratching post for Valentine's Day...yeah that was a great year. He got the cat a present.

Three years later and we've sort of settled on not getting each other any real present because it's just such a pain to come up with something like that after the couple of months leading up to it. (Chanukah, his birthday, our anniversary..etc) We definitely talked about it though in sort of joking terms, but he got the point. NO CAT TOY. This year he happened to be in town last weekend so we went out to dinner one night and I got him a card and cooked him dinner another night. Agreeing on the "no gifts" rule has made things so much better. It' s hard because you don't really even want to care about this stupid holiday and then by him getting you something for it you realize you actually do have this image of what Valentine's Day is supposed to look like. It's not that you don't appreciate the gift, it's that you were expecting something more stereotypically romantic. Anyway, seems like you've sorted it out a little in your head. I would just lay down the expectations of what, if anything, this day means to you guys as a couple. It's made things waaay easier for us.
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Aelwyn
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby Aelwyn » Wed Feb 15, 9:49 2012

Mmm, my boyfriend got me flowers & an oversized t shirt for my 21st, & we're like 2 & a half years down the line.
Apparently I was giving him a hard time about it last Tuesday (very drunken evening) & he ended up taking me out to dinner yesterday. So aye, you should speak to him about it, but not so far under the influence that you won't remember the conversation the next day...

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Storage and Disposal
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby Storage and Disposal » Wed Feb 15, 10:01 2012

Whenever I have a small problem with RD like this, I like to think about my friends that abuse each other, cheat on each other, insert other horrible, relationship-shattering problem. In a way, it's nice to have this sort of problem, because if one of your main grievances is over types of gifts, the relationship itself must be pretty solid.
"He weeps for he has but one small tongue with which to taste an entire world." - Dr. Mungmung

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Re: Yes, I know

Postby LunchBox » Wed Feb 15, 12:34 2012

^That's actually a really good relationship strategy.

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drunken dragon
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby drunken dragon » Wed Feb 15, 13:43 2012

Storage and Disposal wrote:Whenever I have a small problem with RD like this, I like to think about my friends that abuse each other, cheat on each other, insert other horrible, relationship-shattering problem. In a way, it's nice to have this sort of problem, because if one of your main grievances is over types of gifts, the relationship itself must be pretty solid.

Yeah. Kind of a first-world problems theory. Like I could be like my friend Jamie* and have a boyfriend who's upset that I do homework instead of hanging out with him all the time. Or I could have spent another horrifying VDay with my long-distance ex, who got certifiably angry when I didn't want to have phone sex.

Boyfriend and I do have a terrific relationship, really. And now that I'm rereading this I'm like "wow, like it matters." Because it so doesn't. Because I've got a boyfriend who will interrupt his sporting events to help me study for Spanish, and watch The Office with me when I'm sad because it's my favorite show, even though we've seen every episode and have essentially memorized the dialogue. So yeah.
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby monk » Wed Feb 15, 13:53 2012

and that still doesn't mean you can't say somewhere down the road "hey, buy me shiny things!"
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And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? - Pink Floyd.

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drunken dragon
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby drunken dragon » Wed Feb 15, 13:55 2012

Done and done.
Making mental note to squeal over earrings at Earthbound at some point.
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Re: Yes, I know

Postby great girl wonder » Wed Feb 15, 21:32 2012

I like the point about V-day gift issues being the worst flaw in a relationship being a good sign.
Last night I had a really hard time telling my SO that I was disappointed that he did nothing for the day. I felt silly about it because he does do really nice things for me all the time and I felt selfish for wanting more. Then he robbed peter to pay paul and got out one of my birthday presents and gave it to me.
I think the cat post takes the cake. As in you deserve a cake.
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