|Today is:||May 3rd, 2015|
|Your due date:||February 8th, 2014|
|Weeks along:||104 W, 1 D|
can you drop into conversation something like "there are so many different valid ways to parent, it's so weird people are getting all hung up" or post some things to FB (if said people are there) about how "mommy wars" are stupid and we need to be supportive (within reason of course).
Sippy cups and pureed foods, really? O.o Do I even want to know what is "wrong" with not using those? (Though I'm curious why you don't want to use a sippy cup? We didn't do pureed foods even made by me - I had all these plans to make baby food - because the kid wouldn't eat them, she just went straight to regular food, honestly half of parenting 'choices' go out the window anyway based on what the kid will do.)
Good luck with the Santa thing we caved, she got it from school. heh. I do have friends who have succeeded on that.
Pictures, I can see why people might be a little more weird, just because people want to see the kid, but who cares if it's 1 or 100?
We are expecting our first and I have definitely started noticing the "boys will be boys" and "girls like pink" crap that is out there. I said to my husband the other day how sad it is I'm glad our first child is a boy because it will be easier to promote our science/math/computer mindset without too much headache with family. Granted if this little one happens to turn out to be a girl then well she'll get the same up bringing we're planing for "Junior". Or if "Junior" wants to be a ballerina we'll be perfectly fine with that. I am fortunate that my mom and the important people of my side of the family don't give two flying flips if he has a doll or learns tap dancing or whatever. My hubby's family might be a little harder to get to accept things, but with the latest drama we won't have to deal with most of them once kiddo comes to being.
I do agree the best thing to do is try and speak up when needed, but of course that's easier said than done. Good luck as I have yet to find any close friends that I can relate to with this type of thing, which I also find sad.
^I agree with that!
Part of "gender neutral" parenting is supplying the side of things that doesn't get given by other people.
Child care is BEYOND insanely expensive... When my husband and I were deciding to to have children we agreed to both go part time (4 days a week) in order to make our lives easier (we both make more than we would pay for day care, so we did take a financial hit with this decision). For example, whoever is home on a given day can throw in some laundry, or some food into the slow cooker, run errands... All of these things multiply in number once you have kids at the same time becoming more difficult to schedule. Unfortunately, when my daughter was around 1 my work situation changed and I had to go full time... let me tell you, it was definitely easier when I wasn't.
Anyway, the point I am getting to here is, when kids are little they require a lot of attention and sometimes (often?) some career sacrifice but it's TEMPORARY. When we decided to get pregnant we agreed that we would both slow down career wise for 5 years. For us it means, we do our jobs, we come home. We don't sign up for extra projects, we try to limit our travel, but it's all just for now. We also decided to have our kids close together for that reason (they'll be 2 years apart). Anyway, it's something to keep in mind. An 8 year old goes to school and doesn't need constant monitoring to keep from killing him/herself. It's ok to decide to slow down for a period of time, knowing that you'll come roaring back once they're older.
It's alright to discuss these topics, but there needs to be boundaries. I would use the following, personally:
1. Don't insert yourself into a stranger's situation or bring up the topic yourself to a stranger.
2. It's probably not your business if you're not a parent yourself.
3. Ask the person why they are making these choices, don't assume.
4. Try to end on a positive note.
I don't feel right bringing up to my sister that I don't agree that she spanks my nephew, but after being a teacher, I am pretty forgiving of parents' choices. It's the hardest role there is. Even though I want to raise my children on nutritious meals, cloth diapers, and museum passes, I know I'm going to slip up and give them fries, Huggies, and Disney DVD's.
I also feel that home birth is a fine option for low-risk births, where the mother is well coached and the midwife is reputable. If you live near a hospital and your midwife is highly qualified, why not? They have equipment. I won't be choosing this option, but with any birth plan there needs to be a series of precautions taken.
I fretted way too much about this.
Finland is one of the countries in the world with an approved name list. People can deviate from the list, but then they need to participate in bureacracy. Foreigners often get approval for names from their home culture, but as someone from the U.S., I'm not sure how straightforward it is to say "this cultural name appropriately represents my culture". Do I pick the cultures of my ancestors or modern U.S. conglomeration?
We went with approved names, but not the Swedish ones because my spouse felt weird giving a Swedish name without Swedish heritage. The Swedish names would have been most easily recognizable for my family.
Our main criteria ended up including:
I could pronounce it
we didn't hate the way Americans would pronounce it
We had to eliminate one contender because I sometimes mispronounced it, turning the name into a word that meant "failure".
Spacefem's husband no longer speaking Spanish and Nachos no longer speaking Dutch, I think are great examples of lacking motivation. Likewise, I had mentioned that my kid is unlikely to pick up Swedish, despite 10% of the population being native Swedish speakers, Swedish being one of the offical languages and therefore alongside Finnish everywhere, and having a Swedish speaking uncle.???
How can you tell who has been vaccinated or not?
That's the tricky part, you can't really. So unless the parents say something you never actually know.
First 2 were on purpose, 3rd kinda not so much, 4th was totally an oops (when you think things are broken, they have this habit of fixing themselves). Made sure we were done after that. Aside from that, we knew we'd have at least 2, likely 3, but the timing was not at all what we thought we were "planning". Such is life.
the understanding that when people buy gifts, it's their way of saying "hey, this says something about me, I want your kid to have it because we have a relationship." two ways.
Except sometimes those gifts are inappropriate. Part of me feels a lot of sympathy for these parents because what can I do with gifted clothing that is already too small for my kid except pass them on? What can I do with gifts that conflict with my personal beliefs, like a racist book that I don't want to inflict on anyone else either?
I definitely agree on the flexibility of where to meet. It makes a huge difference when you aren't stressed about your kid in a public place. Recently, I went to a tea shop with my daughter. Not only was the layout of the seating area very conducive to letting a toddler walk around a bit while still keeping a close eye on her, but there was plenty of room for my stroller and plenty of available tables. That is rare! It wasn't a huge space, but it was just laid out well for what we needed. I will definitely be suggesting it the next time a friend asks if we can get together. Let your parent friends choose the location! They know which places have changing tables and room to park a stroller.
And that includes parents too - I try to always ask "can I have a hug/kiss" rather than "give me a hug/kiss" and that she can always always say no if she doesn't want to, even with me. (She's old enough now that I've had enough practice that even writing "give me a hug" sounds weird to me)
Also I think on a more general level it's good to practice asking these kinds of questions anyway. Not just for abuse, but in general if you want to know what's going on in their life. Asking "how was school" gets an "I dunno" even now, but asking more specific things like "What was something funny that happened today" or "What did you do at recess?" really gets her talking more. Not sure where I read that, but the kinds of questions above made me think that sometimes just asking a better question will help get at what you want to know more than asking generalities.
The other thing is definitely definitely not making judgment on those things that they're saying. Instead try "What did you think about that
Bonding with my future infant is a concern of mine, because my depression is debilitating. I'm relieved to know that normally functioning women don't feel that head-over-heels mushy baby love.
Here's a really funny humor bit about sleep, but the same general idea can apply to pretty much any "advice" given to new parents.
https://chimericalcapuchin.wordpress.co ... babybooks/