This can be an upsetting topic, but after passing a pregnancy test and facing so much uncertainty about my future I just wanted something to make me feel a little more... in control. For me, that's statistics. So based on some human embryo survival rates - overall and at 6, 8, and 10 weeks, I did some curve matching to calculate the risk of miscarriage at each day of an early pregnancy. The data here is based on a study of 600 women who were tested daily for pregnancy while trying to conceive, so early pregnancies were all evaluated for survival rate. The numbers are an estimate, but they're something.
The following dates are based on an estimated LMP of May 26th, 2013.
|Date||Progress||Overall probability of miscarriage|
|Sunday June 16th, 2013||3W, 0D||33%|
|Monday June 17th, 2013||3W, 1D||32.9%|
|Tuesday June 18th, 2013||3W, 2D||32.6%|
|Wednesday June 19th, 2013||3W, 3D||32%|
|Thursday June 20th, 2013||3W, 4D||31.3%|
|Friday June 21st, 2013||3W, 5D||30.3%|
|Saturday June 22nd, 2013||3W, 6D||29.2%|
|Sunday June 23rd, 2013||4W, 0D||28%|
|Monday June 24th, 2013||4W, 1D||26.6%|
|Tuesday June 25th, 2013||4W, 2D||25.2%|
|Wednesday June 26th, 2013||4W, 3D||23.6%|
|Thursday June 27th, 2013||4W, 4D||22.1%|
|Friday June 28th, 2013||4W, 5D||20.5%|
|Saturday June 29th, 2013||4W, 6D||18.9%|
|Sunday June 30th, 2013||5W, 0D||17.3%|
|Monday July 1st, 2013||5W, 1D||15.8%|
|Tuesday July 2nd, 2013||5W, 2D||14.4%|
|Wednesday July 3rd, 2013||5W, 3D||13%|
|Thursday July 4th, 2013||5W, 4D||11.7%|
|Friday July 5th, 2013||5W, 5D||10.5%|
|Saturday July 6th, 2013||5W, 6D||9.4%|
|Sunday July 7th, 2013||6W, 0D||8.4%|
|Monday July 8th, 2013||6W, 1D||7.5%|
|Tuesday July 9th, 2013||6W, 2D||6.6%|
|Wednesday July 10th, 2013||6W, 3D||5.9%|
|Thursday July 11th, 2013||6W, 4D||5.3%|
|Friday July 12th, 2013||6W, 5D||4.7%|
|Saturday July 13th, 2013||6W, 6D||4.3%|
|Sunday July 14th, 2013||7W, 0D||3.9%|
|Monday July 15th, 2013||7W, 1D||3.5%|
|Tuesday July 16th, 2013||7W, 2D||3.2%|
|Wednesday July 17th, 2013||7W, 3D||3%|
|Thursday July 18th, 2013||7W, 4D||2.8%|
|Friday July 19th, 2013||7W, 5D||2.6%|
|Saturday July 20th, 2013||7W, 6D||2.5%|
|Sunday July 21st, 2013||8W, 0D||2.4%|
|Monday July 22nd, 2013||8W, 1D||2.3%|
|Tuesday July 23rd, 2013||8W, 2D||2.2%|
|Wednesday July 24th, 2013||8W, 3D||2.2%|
|Thursday July 25th, 2013||8W, 4D||2.1%|
|Friday July 26th, 2013||8W, 5D||2.1%|
|Saturday July 27th, 2013||8W, 6D||2.1%|
|Sunday July 28th, 2013||9W, 0D||2.1%|
|Monday July 29th, 2013||9W, 1D||2%|
|Tuesday July 30th, 2013||9W, 2D||2%|
|Wednesday July 31st, 2013||9W, 3D||2%|
|Thursday August 1st, 2013||9W, 4D||2%|
|Friday August 2nd, 2013||9W, 5D||2%|
|Saturday August 3rd, 2013||9W, 6D||2%|
|Sunday August 4th, 2013||10W, 0D||2%|
|Monday August 5th, 2013||10W, 1D||2%|
|Tuesday August 6th, 2013||10W, 2D||2%|
|Wednesday August 7th, 2013||10W, 3D||2%|
|Thursday August 8th, 2013||10W, 4D||2%|
|Friday August 9th, 2013||10W, 5D||2%|
|Saturday August 10th, 2013||10W, 6D||2%|
|Sunday August 11th, 2013||11W, 0D||2%|
|Monday August 12th, 2013||11W, 1D||2%|
|Tuesday August 13th, 2013||11W, 2D||2%|
|Wednesday August 14th, 2013||11W, 3D||2%|
|Thursday August 15th, 2013||11W, 4D||2%|
|Friday August 16th, 2013||11W, 5D||2%|
|Saturday August 17th, 2013||11W, 6D||2%|
|Sunday August 18th, 2013||12W, 0D||2%|
|Monday August 19th, 2013||12W, 1D||2%|
|Tuesday August 20th, 2013||12W, 2D||2%|
|Wednesday August 21st, 2013||12W, 3D||2%|
|Thursday August 22nd, 2013||12W, 4D||2%|
|Friday August 23rd, 2013||12W, 5D||2%|
|Saturday August 24th, 2013||12W, 6D||2%|
All numbers are estimates. If you have better research, drop me an e-mail (firstname.lastname@example.org).I used information from two studies to make my assumptions: Wilcox AJ, Baird DD, Weinberg CR (1999). "Time of implantation of the conceptus and loss of pregnancy." and Wang X, Chen C, Wang L, Chen D, Guang W, French J (2003). "Conception, early pregnancy loss, and time to clinical pregnancy: a population-based prospective study.". I was not able to obtain full access to the second one, but based on citations I believe I had the numbers I needed for this.
The studies analyzed women who were trying to conceive for the first time.
There is a page of good studies here: https://sites.google.com/site/miscarriageresearch/miscarriage-general that compares risks based on age, whether you've heard a heartbeat, previous miscarriage, and hosts of other factors.
Charts are generated by flot.
Well, I got lucky and made friends in graduate school who also stuck around who are also feminist. There's a lot of gender policing otherwise. And I talk back to anyone like that lady in the store, I tell my girl in front of other people that it's ok if boys like dolls and tutus or girls like trains etc. It's a constant battle, I won't lie.
You could try instead of parenting forums, look for local feminist meetups, and then find people who are parents in those groups? Or if not feminist, then ... I don't know maybe things like I sometimes go to things with women who do computer programming, planning to hit that up tomorrow actually. And maybe you'll find people that way? Since here are women who do things that men "traditionally" do and therefore are already fighting stereotypes themselves. (Doesn't have to be coding, just what comes to mind at the moment) Not that we don't sometimes fall into the socialized traps anyway, but there's a higher chance of finding someone who believes in the same things?
I definitely agree on the flexibility of where to meet. It makes a huge difference when you aren't stressed about your kid in a public place. Recently, I went to a tea shop with my daughter. Not only was the layout of the seating area very conducive to letting a toddler walk around a bit while still keeping a close eye on her, but there was plenty of room for my stroller and plenty of available tables. That is rare! It wasn't a huge space, but it was just laid out well for what we needed. I will definitely be suggesting it the next time a friend asks if we can get together. Let your parent friends choose the location! They know which places have changing tables and room to park a stroller.
And that includes parents too - I try to always ask "can I have a hug/kiss" rather than "give me a hug/kiss" and that she can always always say no if she doesn't want to, even with me. (She's old enough now that I've had enough practice that even writing "give me a hug" sounds weird to me)
Also I think on a more general level it's good to practice asking these kinds of questions anyway. Not just for abuse, but in general if you want to know what's going on in their life. Asking "how was school" gets an "I dunno" even now, but asking more specific things like "What was something funny that happened today" or "What did you do at recess?" really gets her talking more. Not sure where I read that, but the kinds of questions above made me think that sometimes just asking a better question will help get at what you want to know more than asking generalities.
The other thing is definitely definitely not making judgment on those things that they're saying. Instead try "What did you think about that
Bonding with my future infant is a concern of mine, because my depression is debilitating. I'm relieved to know that normally functioning women don't feel that head-over-heels mushy baby love.
Spacefem's husband no longer speaking Spanish and Nachos no longer speaking Dutch, I think are great examples of lacking motivation. Likewise, I had mentioned that my kid is unlikely to pick up Swedish, despite 10% of the population being native Swedish speakers, Swedish being one of the offical languages and therefore alongside Finnish everywhere, and having a Swedish speaking uncle.???
^I agree with that!
Part of "gender neutral" parenting is supplying the side of things that doesn't get given by other people.
Child care is BEYOND insanely expensive... When my husband and I were deciding to to have children we agreed to both go part time (4 days a week) in order to make our lives easier (we both make more than we would pay for day care, so we did take a financial hit with this decision). For example, whoever is home on a given day can throw in some laundry, or some food into the slow cooker, run errands... All of these things multiply in number once you have kids at the same time becoming more difficult to schedule. Unfortunately, when my daughter was around 1 my work situation changed and I had to go full time... let me tell you, it was definitely easier when I wasn't.
Anyway, the point I am getting to here is, when kids are little they require a lot of attention and sometimes (often?) some career sacrifice but it's TEMPORARY. When we decided to get pregnant we agreed that we would both slow down career wise for 5 years. For us it means, we do our jobs, we come home. We don't sign up for extra projects, we try to limit our travel, but it's all just for now. We also decided to have our kids close together for that reason (they'll be 2 years apart). Anyway, it's something to keep in mind. An 8 year old goes to school and doesn't need constant monitoring to keep from killing him/herself. It's ok to decide to slow down for a period of time, knowing that you'll come roaring back once they're older.
It's alright to discuss these topics, but there needs to be boundaries. I would use the following, personally:
1. Don't insert yourself into a stranger's situation or bring up the topic yourself to a stranger.
2. It's probably not your business if you're not a parent yourself.
3. Ask the person why they are making these choices, don't assume.
4. Try to end on a positive note.
I don't feel right bringing up to my sister that I don't agree that she spanks my nephew, but after being a teacher, I am pretty forgiving of parents' choices. It's the hardest role there is. Even though I want to raise my children on nutritious meals, cloth diapers, and museum passes, I know I'm going to slip up and give them fries, Huggies, and Disney DVD's.
I also feel that home birth is a fine option for low-risk births, where the mother is well coached and the midwife is reputable. If you live near a hospital and your midwife is highly qualified, why not? They have equipment. I won't be choosing this option, but with any birth plan there needs to be a series of precautions taken.
Here's a really funny humor bit about sleep, but the same general idea can apply to pretty much any "advice" given to new parents.
https://chimericalcapuchin.wordpress.co ... babybooks/
Spouse and I have two main rules: family name and not Biblical. Fortunately we have big families with lots of cool names available.
I have the additional stipulations of not having two people in the same house with the same name (i.e. Jr.) and that really unusual names should be middle names. Spouse's family has the tradition of naming the first son after the father, but since Spouse has a super-Biblical name I've not had to fight too hard to keep him from naming his son after himself. I was named after my dad's mom so we had the same first and last name in the same town and that caused some problems (which, admittedly, were quickly solved by our 70-year difference in ages). But I can't imagine having two "Spouse"s at one address.
Spouse's family has quite a few Anglicized Polish names, and Spouse wants to revive the pre-immigration names, which I'm fine with but would prefer them as middle names: Cunegunda and Waslav are a lifetime of "What? How do you spell that? Where is that from? Did your parents make that up?" If the kid really wants to use it, which would be cool, they can always choose to use their middle name.
How can you tell who has been vaccinated or not?
That's the tricky part, you can't really. So unless the parents say something you never actually know.
First 2 were on purpose, 3rd kinda not so much, 4th was totally an oops (when you think things are broken, they have this habit of fixing themselves). Made sure we were done after that. Aside from that, we knew we'd have at least 2, likely 3, but the timing was not at all what we thought we were "planning". Such is life.
Some of my family members who work in the healthcare system have overheard some doozies.
I work in healthcare, so I can relate. I think my favourite was a kid called "Abcde" which we were assured was pronounced "Abasidee". Mirena was a cute choice, named after the contraceptive device. Then there have been some good narrative names including places of birth - e.g. "Shell" (after the baby born in a petrol station carpark) - and places of conception - e.g. "...(a suburb which I'll keep secret - just in case this somehow breaches some poor kid's privacy) bus stop."