Bleugh.

Bitching, whining, complaining, and general negativity

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Charli!
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Bleugh.

Post by Charli! » Sat Mar 26, 14:56 2016

I think I've always spent the most time in Ranting on this forum.. but I've been doing much better the past 6 years or so! However I am once again sliding downhill - I keep randomly crying at the TV (I was watching 'the Flash'! it is a remarkably happy superhero saga!), I'm constantly exhausted and want to do nothing more than nap 5 times a day, I can spend an hour staring at the wall and not notice time has passed, and I constantly eat junk food because I lack the energy to do anything else.

And my normal coping strategies either aren't working, or can't be deployed right now. Last time I ran off to South Africa for six months and spent my days watching the sunset. Now I have a mortgage and a 'real job'. My Partner has a chronic back-problem, which means he is struggling to walk. He has lost his job, and whilst he is at home all day he can't do any jobs around the house as he can barely walk and can't lift his arms up. He's in a lot of pain and doesn't get any sleep- so neither do I. I now sleep in another room, but I still wake a few times a night to check he is ok (he has a tendancy to get 'stuck'- and whilst there isn't anything I can do to help because I can't lift him, I like to keep watch to make sure nothing else happens...). I'm now the only wage-earner (which should be fine because I earn enough to keep us and have a stable job- but somehow it is terrifying). I'm now the only person doing anything around the house (which still includes DIY because the renovation isn't finished!).

But the first step is facing that something is wrong, right? Next week I'm hiring a cleaner- I can afford two hours help a week, and not living in a building-site-mess is likely to improve my mood no end. I'm also phoning a joiner to come and help me with the rest of the DIY, which may be affordable. All other plans are being put on hold- they're not important. Food? Sod the diet, I'm always skinnier when I live off of junk-food anyway (I wouldn't say healthier- but certainly skinnier when I live off of a diet of sugar). I'm going to start doing some exercise as that is a massive help (someone at work will go running with me).

Only 3 weeks until his MRI scan. Which I realise won't fix him- but it is the first step to him getting some help for him. So far all medical help has centered around 'this usually fixes itself in about 12 weeks'- yet we've been waiting since November and all that has happened is he has gotten worse, and lost his job. Need to look at finances, I may be able to pay for his stuff privately?

So, hmmm, tired. Full of amazement for how people deal with chronic illnesses. There's nothing even wrong with me and I currently cry at every tv advert. Trying to 'be strong', but it is difficult. Am now going to do 'something fun'- planting veg seeds. Even if the garden gets completely eaten by my pet chickens this year- it will have been worth it. I like planting seeds, it is like gambling only no real money is involved.
Last edited by Charli! on Sat Mar 26, 15:19 2016, edited 1 time in total.

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Nachos
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Re: Bleugh.

Post by Nachos » Sat Mar 26, 15:11 2016

*hugs* I'm sorry things are all spiralling a bit right now. Hope Partner is alright and the MRI diagnoses them properly.

Have you thought of therapy or antidepressants? I'm not their biggest fan but the only reason I was able to keep anything together when we met is because of them.

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Re: Bleugh.

Post by Charli! » Sun Mar 27, 13:51 2016

I have... but does it make sense that it seems weird to ask the NHS for anything more? We ended up calling emergency doctors and things last night, as poor Partner got stuck on the floor for 6 hours and couldn't get up (or lie down!) and was in agony. At 2pm they have just arrived! It isn't as if me going to the Doctors will slow down Partners care- but that is how my brain sees it.

It started at 2am.. so yeah.. still tired today.

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Re: Bleugh.

Post by rowan » Sun Mar 27, 15:16 2016

It is totally reasonable and valid to get care for yourself while dealing with caring for someone else!
spacefem wrote:All your logical argue are belong to us!

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Re: Bleugh.

Post by Nachos » Mon Mar 28, 16:58 2016

Charli! wrote:I have... but does it make sense that it seems weird to ask the NHS for anything more?
Yes. Self care is very important when caring for someone else! When I first went to a clinic I saw loads of people worse off than I was/am and I felt bad for taking resources away from people who needed it more. However it was impressed upon me that my problems were as valid as everyone else's and more important to me.

Even just having something as a crutch means you won't fall down as hard after.

*hugs*
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