Dating Older Men as a Feminist

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SkyBlue

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Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by SkyBlue » Sun Apr 30, 8:45 2017

Hi, I was just wanting to know what everyone thinks of this issue... I'm just about to turn 19 this year, a university student (still living at home) and really inexperienced at relationships. All this kind of adds up to someone who you might not think would be interested in older men, but for some reason I've always been interested in older men.

I find it frustrating because if I've posted about this in a regular forum, people tend to almost start shaming me for it. The truth is that I am a feminist and expect to be treated as an equal in any relationship. I wouldn't necessarily expect the relationship to be super serious, but I'd still expect respect. I've also always been a very good judge of character, and I wouldn't ever meet someone from online without taking all the safety precautions I knew.

So, with all that said, do you think that it's possible for a young woman to have a fulfilling relationship with an older man, as a feminist?

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Taurwen » Sun Apr 30, 11:37 2017

Personally I shy away from the idea of physical attraction on a personal level being political. Is it possible you're attracted to older men because of the media? Fuck yea, and that's something you should probably think about but it's not my place to say you've been manipulated instead of your natural inclination.
The fact remains you are a woman capable of giving consent to an older man if you so choose. Maybe with more details on someone could make judgement calls on your tastes but there's not much to go on with "Interested in Older Men"

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Storage and Disposal
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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Storage and Disposal » Sun Apr 30, 13:20 2017

The short answer is yes, but it does increase the likeliness of issues in a relationship.
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rowan
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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by rowan » Sun Apr 30, 19:09 2017

I mean there are plenty of good or bad examples so I'm sure you can make your own choices. But generational issues might crop up more if you're talking like, 2 decades older than you vs. like, 4-5 years? But y'know, you do you, whatever, as long as everything is consensual & honest.
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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Aum » Mon May 1, 17:39 2017

I've mostly dated guys older than me since the beginning, sometimes by 2 generations. The guy I'm currently seeing is almost 3 generations older. I value life experience and maturity above all else and these tend to be abundant qualities in older men. The generation gap can be a problem... he doesn't like when I use Google maps while driving, and he doesn't understand techy things that I take for granted.

You should go with your heart and your sensibilities. Relationships needn't be political.
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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by DayOne » Wed May 3, 0:54 2017

SkyBlue wrote:Hi, I was just wanting to know what everyone thinks of this issue... I'm just about to turn 19 this year, a university student (still living at home) and really inexperienced at relationships. All this kind of adds up to someone who you might not think would be interested in older men, but for some reason I've always been interested in older men.

I find it frustrating because if I've posted about this in a regular forum, people tend to almost start shaming me for it. The truth is that I am a feminist and expect to be treated as an equal in any relationship. I wouldn't necessarily expect the relationship to be super serious, but I'd still expect respect. I've also always been a very good judge of character, and I wouldn't ever meet someone from online without taking all the safety precautions I knew.

So, with all that said, do you think that it's possible for a young woman to have a fulfilling relationship with an older man, as a feminist?
I don't think. there's an issue in dating an older man despite of your age whether you are a feminist or not. Actually, we cant be judge our preferences especially in relation to the person whom we want to be with. As long as you are not affecting others life negatively or committing yourself to a married man then there's nothing to worry about.

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by rinn » Wed May 3, 7:37 2017

I agree with rowan's answer. Through personal experience, though, I didn't have much luck dating a guy born a generation before me. He wasn't exactly feminist-friendly (or race-friendly for that matter). But every person is different, regardless of age. I know someone in the same scenario as I was who has made it work with someone, and she is more liberal than I tend to be (which I think older generations may be wary of).

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Pikachu » Wed May 17, 2:00 2017

SHouldn't be a problem IF he's a feminist as well. Feminist/non feminist relationships don't work. Radical/Moderate won't work either.

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by monk » Sat May 20, 4:33 2017

Speaking as someone who is almost two generations older than you I wish all the 19 years olds would suddenly become interested in older men ;) . But seriously, you do you, and remember it's a two way street, you may be looking for someone with experience, the older person may be looking for someone like yourself without it, and it will be a good match for a bit, until you figure things out, but by then you'll be in love, right?

Be prepared to catch a little derision though. Like mixed race, like same sex, like any other combo outside cis norms there's gonna be some people who don't like people outside the lines their brains have drawn.
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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Skeezy » Tue Jun 13, 13:35 2017

Older men if you meet the right one can be open minded. However just as many seek to take advantage and are almost preying on young women who are inexperienced.

Your ideal relationship with an older man is not impossible. Just take precautions to make sure you are to him what he is to you. Remember avoidance is dishonesty's ally. Confront basic facts and if it appears he 's not being deceitful feel free to accept him as the one for you

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by MrWonka » Mon Jul 17, 9:05 2017

SkyBlue wrote: So, with all that said, do you think that it's possible for a young woman to have a fulfilling relationship with an older man, as a feminist?
I guess I don't see what being a feminist has to do with this. I mean there are definitely concerns with dating a guy that's too much older than you as you may be entering completely different phases of your life, but I'm not sure why being a feminist would exacerbate or nullify any of those issues. It's entirely possible that an older more mature man might tend to be more respectful and appreciative of you than some younger guys.

I think the bigger concern you should have though is really about stages of life. As a 19 year old who is still in college there's a lot of life experiences you're going to want to have in the next 5-6 years, that might be harder to have with a guy who's significantly older, and maybe more ready to settle down a bit.

I'm 35 myself, and I've met some younger women who were between 12 and 8 years younger than me. A couple I kind of rejected because I felt like they were too young, and immature for me. Another one seems like she's was more my speed and so I was open to it. Oddly enough the one that I though was more my speed was the youngest of them all, but she was very mature for her age.

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by geldofc » Fri Jul 21, 2:44 2017

Yes I think it's possible! It's not breaking a status quo but if that's what you want to do, then it could be feminist.
Last edited by geldofc on Thu Jul 27, 5:03 2017, edited 1 time in total.
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Keen

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Keen » Wed Jul 26, 13:39 2017

Don't cheat and don't be a hoe, and go with whoever you like. Nothing shameful about it, you do you

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Taurwen » Thu Jul 27, 6:57 2017

Can you please explain what you mean by "don't be a hoe" Keen?
Thank you.

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Keen » Thu Jul 27, 7:44 2017

Basically means don't go touching other guys just cause they are got don't go out of your way to touch guys and don't go try sleeping with everyone under the sun, if your boyfriend doesn't like it, and says he doesn't like it, you probably shouldn't be doing it

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Sonic# » Thu Jul 27, 9:45 2017

I'd put all of that under "don't cheat."

Keen

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Keen » Thu Jul 27, 10:58 2017

Doesnt matter, I put cheating and being a hoe in two different catagories

Taurwen
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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Taurwen » Thu Jul 27, 12:22 2017

Huh, I call that not being an asshole. Don't touch people who don't want to be touched. If your partner wants to be monogamous and you don't, don't be with your partner.

Other than the no touching, can someone be a hoe while single?

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Nech
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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Nech » Thu Jul 27, 13:33 2017

You can definitely be a single hoe...but you can also be a single ho too. It's just slang for whore/prostitute.

(I can't currently hyperlink a picture of a hoe into my comment, so you gotta click on it yourself :( )
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/ ... -Hoe_1.jpg
Where there's smoke, there's fire. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So just shut up, and bring some water.

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Re: Dating Older Men as a Feminist

Post by Taurwen » Thu Jul 27, 15:08 2017

I gotta admit, the idea of using whore as an insult has always confused me. In what other scenario is "you are so good at ABC, you should get paid to do it" an insult?
I wish I got paid to have sex, that'd be up there with being a taste tester at Ben & Jerry's

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