sending thank you notes

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when do you write a thank you note?

every time I get a gift
0
No votes
special life event gifts only
4
40%
I am totally anti thank you notes
1
10%
after great sex
2
20%
every time anyone in my family gets a gift
0
No votes
only if I'm not there to thank the person verbally
2
20%
I wear thank you pants that auto-thank everyone I see, all the time
1
10%
 
Total votes: 10

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spacefem
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sending thank you notes

Post by spacefem » Thu Feb 4, 7:05 2016

oh man, there was quite the back-and-forth on a mom blog I follow when the topic of thank you notes came up. in particular, the post was a mom saying she was not going to write thank you notes after her kid's birthday party because it's just one more thing parents do to one-up each other... "look I bought cards and I have time to sit and write these!"

and I agreed with her... if my kid has a birthday, and every kid is there to see her open the presents, and they all get verbally thanked, let's save a tree and stop trying to out mommy-blog each other by inflicting 1920s etiquette rules on our kids, shall we?

On the other side these parents were commenting... "My kid can't write get but I at least make her sit down and help me with some scribbles because she must learn gratitude and this is the key! By me forcing her to write thank you notes!"

Is that the key?

I wrote thank you notes for my wedding and baby shower. and... done! I see myself as a grateful person... grateful for what I have, grateful for being born in a prosperous time in a nation that afforded me opportunities, privileged to be surrounded by friends who were also given opportunities that enable them to give me lovely gifts, I take nothing for granted. But that's not what they want in thank you notes.

Also... sometimes I use the Caitlin Moran "Are men dealing with this shit?" litmus test to see if I should waste time on something. The dudes in my life could not care less about hand-written thank you notes. They get that hour of their life back. I should too. Same thing applies to inner envelopes, decorative pillows on beds, napkin rings, other crap that has no purpose.
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Unvoiced_Apollo
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Re: sending thank you notes

Post by Unvoiced_Apollo » Thu Feb 4, 7:58 2016

spacefem wrote:.

Also... sometimes I use the Caitlin Moran "Are men dealing with this shit?" litmus test to see if I should waste time on something. The dudes in my life could not care less about hand-written thank you notes. They get that hour of their life back. I should too. Same thing applies to inner envelopes, decorative pillows on beds, napkin rings, other crap that has no purpose.
This is going way off on a tangent, but you just made me flash back to home ec (mandatory for me in middle school). I remember them tesching us where & how to place silverware and different styles of napkin folding using those stupid rings. I always wondered what the point was since most aren't going to care how you set that stuff up. Even if one were to host a party where that person did all the cooking, there are more important things to worry about (like the food) than whether the napkins are folded properly or the knife is placed correctly.


And you're right. We men don't care about thank you notes (generally speaking). I say thanks for the gift or thanks for coming out. Beyond a thank you note to a job interviewer, it seems like a waste to thank someone uou have already done so face to face.

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Sonic#
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Re: sending thank you notes

Post by Sonic# » Thu Feb 4, 8:35 2016

My partner is much better at writing thank you notes than me, especially when it comes to things like weddings and gifts. :)

I do occasionally write thank you notes in professional settings though. It only takes a few minutes, and thanking someone for running a workshop or for making a difference in my week makes them happier (the nice part) and also is a good way to network (the practical part).

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rowan
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Re: sending thank you notes

Post by rowan » Thu Feb 4, 12:07 2016

My husband writes thank-you notes*, I don't usually. One more way we're weird, I guess. But I've been trying to do better with his family, because I know it's their way of doing things, and (as I mentioned in my new year's resolutions) I want to get better at doing some of the emotional labor in this partnership.

But if I say thank you face to face, then that's sufficient, unless it's like a Big Thing (wedding, baby shower) but I think I'm past those things. ;)

Sonic# good point about professional settings, sometimes that's appropriate.

*emails anyway...
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lyra211

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Re: sending thank you notes

Post by lyra211 » Thu Feb 4, 13:04 2016

Yeah, add me to the "thank-you notes for major life event gifts only" crowd. My husband and I divvied up the wedding thank-you notes more or less evenly. I've been writing all the random baby gift notes so far (no shower), but that's mostly because so far we've only gotten stuff from people whom I'm close to but my husband barely knows, so it would be weird for him to write the notes. We're planning to do a "meet the baby" gathering a couple months after the kid is born, at which point we're likely to get more gifts, so perhaps husband will take the lead on those notes.

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Re: sending thank you notes

Post by melsbells » Fri Feb 5, 15:09 2016

I've told friends not to worry about sending me thank-you notes after weddings and other major life events because thank you notes are for old relatives and other people you don't actually know. If I'm writing a thank-you note, it's probably something I'm not actually all that thankful for.

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