High needs newborn support thread

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user42

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High needs newborn support thread

Post by user42 » Thu Dec 17, 18:07 2015

Permanent thread because as long as there are new babies around here, there will be some very trying times.

But... it gets better. We promise!

dianainphilly
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Anyone else have a really tough newborn?

Post by dianainphilly » Thu Dec 17, 18:07 2015

Hi,
Saw the old post about newborns but the comments are locked so I thought I'd try a new thread. Anyone else have a really tough newborn? I'm 23 days in and have to say that I'm dying. I don't have family to support me and my husband works. I've been able to pay for a night nurse which has been so expensive but I'm willing to pay anything for that relief. I wondered if anyone else could speak to the difficulty they've had with a baby in the first month. I think my child has colic but am hoping otherwise -- just a ton of crying and not good sleeping. I don't have depression -- I am still very happy about the baby and life -- just deep sadness and frustration with the day to day. Also curious -- when did things get better for you and your baby?

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Re: Anyone else have a really tough newborn?

Post by spacefem » Thu Dec 17, 21:56 2015

Yeah we lock old threads once we feel the discussion is done but maybe we'll make an unlockable one because I feel you on this one! My first baby was impossible as a newborn... well to be honest, she's five now and still kind of impossible. Headstrong kid from day four. My second was totally different, it was wacky.

But back to my newborn that I almost put on Craigslist... around 6 to 8 weeks, she started to figure out what night time was. She would wake up, nurse, go back to sleep. She didn't sleep all through the night for a really long time, but I felt like I could survive.

Also I started sewing while she was screaming. Distractions helped. Sounds bad, I don't believe in letting your kid cry it out, but when you're holding her and she's crying and nothing works you might as well go distract yourself because it doesn't seem to make a difference to the baby. Closed door, noisy sewing machine, I felt like a bad mom but so much more sane. Baby wearing helped sometimes but nothing was 100% so then I'd just leave her in the crib and go do my thing.
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Re: Anyone else have a really tough newborn?

Post by Gnarlbanya » Fri Dec 18, 20:59 2015

This reminded me of where I was at a few months ago, and sure enough, when I revisited the locked 'newborns are difficult' thread there are a few posts from me about this. My baby was fine at first, and the first couple of weeks went swimmingly. Then around week three or four she started to fight daytime sleep, and has remained much the same ever since. Weeks 4-8 were particularly tough, and after that things got a bit better, although some days are still a bit of a battle - this week we had one day where she only had three tiny naps (25 minutes on average) which made for a very grumpy baby.

I have found baby wearing to be good, but use it in moderation because too much of it makes my back really hurt (less of an issue now that she's big enough for a more structured carrier rather than a wrap). We've also gone on a lot of pointless scenic drives which is a good chance to listen to music or podcasts, etc. And like spacefem, sometimes I've just had to leave her in the crib for a little bit because nothing is working.

I've also learnt to just go with it rather than stress myself over how she is. Most of my friends have easily managed, placid, fairly passive babies who are content to snooze and wriggle around fairly happily. Rather than lament the fact that she isn't the same, I have to remind myself that having a very active, strong willed and determined kid is exactly what I want, even if it means that she wants to be awake every single second, and cries when she's on her playmat because she is trying to crawl but can't. I guess the other thing that helps is knowing that this will pass. She's already been through loads of distinct phases, and changes all the time (although the grumpiness is fairly consistent!). And these days there are also lots of good moments to celebrate, interspersed with the crappy ones, so I just focus on those. Good luck with it, though, it is a really tough stage.

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Re: High needs newborn support thread

Post by ladyhawk » Sat Dec 19, 21:27 2015

In retrospect, my kids were really easy as newborns. I had c-sections, though, and was on some strong pain medication, so a lot of the first weeks are really fuzzy.

But, to balance things out, my four year old is the strongest willed, most headstrong, defiant, loud and challenging person (PERSON, not child) I have ever. Ever. Met. My one year old is learning, quickly. So, so quickly.

I find myself wondering where my sweet, squishy newborns went. Because I now have these small, semi-evil screetchbeasts living with me. And they break EVERYTHING. For example, last year, oldest child LITERALLY Will-Farrel-Style Elf jumped into the Christmas tree, knocked it over and broke the tree star like five seconds after we finished putting it up. This year, the tree is wired to the wall.

Maybe a difficult baby means you'll have an easy child?
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Re: High needs newborn support thread

Post by melsbells » Mon Jan 4, 13:20 2016

I'm at a nice point where I'm starting to forget how miserable I was in the beginning. Mostly, things have gotten better little by little such that it's hard to say when I started handling things better. Two changes helped in larger ways. The first was around 5 months when I started taking an evening class two days a week. The second was around 15 months when I got to see my friends, which finally made me feel like me again.

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Re: High needs newborn support thread

Post by Gnarlbanya » Fri Jan 8, 4:52 2016

We've just reached the five month mark here and things are significantly better. I can't put my finger on why, exactly, but I feel far more on top of things. I've been able to leave her in someone else's capable hands for a few hours and do things like see a movie! Amazing. I've also started doing some freelance work again and will be back at real work at the end of the month, which makes me feel a bit more like myself and not just a slave to a baby (although, my god, between baby and work the concept of free time is very abstract at the moment. I have no idea how I occupied myself pre-kid).

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Re: High needs newborn support thread

Post by rowan » Fri Jan 8, 11:12 2016

One thing I do now that I wish I had done earlier on (though not sure I could have done in the first 6 months due to brain fog), is if I find myself thinking "I wish I could do X" or "I wish I had time for..." even if it's a fleeting thought, I write it down. Well actually I put it in my toodledo list, which I can access on my phone/computer/wherever. Then when I find time I'm like soooo what do I do again? Oh yeah! I wanted to do this thing! I mean, as simple as "read book" or "bake a thing" or something.

Early on though it might be good to look at the list though. Just add things to it. Eventually it gets better and time will come back.
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