Woke up to my boyfriend having sex with me

Whatever weirdo topics you feel like bringing up

Moderators: MFS, monk

Locked
sabertooth

Posts: 31
Joined: Thu Apr 4, 21:37 2013

Woke up to my boyfriend having sex with me

Post by sabertooth » Mon Sep 2, 11:00 2013

Last night my boyfriend (who has lived with me for 2 years) and I had sex. Then we fell asleep. I woke up 2 hours later to him on top of me thrusting into me. I went dead inside, and asked him to stop and to go sleep on the couch.

When I was a kid I used to be molested in my sleep by a family member, so it was extremely traumatic for me last night to wake up to another loved one doing something without my explicit consent.

This morning he says that he wasn't awake until he realized he was having sex with me either. He looks like he feels terrible and he's offered to move out for a few days. He has never done anything like this to violate me, but I can't help but feel raped and lost.

Is that even possible, for him to have not been asleep and not knowing what he was doing? What would you do, in my case, and knowing my past? I have PTSD from my childhood, which doesn't make this any easier.

User avatar
Butterfly North
member
member
Posts: 1425
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 15:06 2008

Re: Woke up to my boyfriend having sex with me

Post by Butterfly North » Mon Sep 2, 13:09 2013

^I'm not going to tell you what to do because only you know how you feel both in respect to what has happened and also in respect to your relationship. But whether or not he meant to do it, if you feel he raped you then he raped you. If it helps you to have space then you should get him to move out for the few days - it isn't about what inconveniences him at this point, it's about what's best for you and your health at a time you're going through something so horrible. If you need space to take stock then take some.

I'm so sorry this happened to you! :(

User avatar
Sonic#
member
member
Posts: 5363
Joined: Sat Nov 7, 9:37 2009
Location: Georgia, US

Re: Woke up to my boyfriend having sex with me

Post by Sonic# » Mon Sep 2, 16:33 2013

^ Right on with this. If you feel like it was rape, then it was. Whether or not it was intended does not change the trauma you experienced, and you're entirely right to focus on what you need, whether it's space, counseling, or whatever.
Is that even possible, for him to have not been asleep and not knowing what he was doing?
Short answer - yes. He could have been asleep and also initiated sexual contact, like being asleep and driving a car or walking. It's a condition called sexsomnia. You might recommend he seek the help of a sleep medicine physician or other doctor specializing in sleep disorders. Whether you continue to live together or not, this is one way for him (if he's sincere and can go to the doctor) to help prevent it happening again - to you or anyone else.

If it turns out that he does have this condition, you have every right to choose whether you want to live with it.

User avatar
lovernotafighter
member
member
Posts: 369
Joined: Thu May 16, 15:55 2013
Location: Planet weirdo.

Re: Woke up to my boyfriend having sex with me

Post by lovernotafighter » Mon Sep 2, 17:53 2013

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I agree with every post above that you get whatever space and help you want and need at this time. I know I would feel the same.
"I am in LOVE with myself." -My self

Locked