Worried about little sister.

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EternalBeautyOfTrees

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Worried about little sister.

Post by EternalBeautyOfTrees » Sat Oct 5, 9:27 2013

When I was 17 years old (4 years ago), my stepdad's father would regularly sent me sexually explicit text messages.
I won't go into great detail but I was sexually harassed for quite a while and I was feeling very ashamed and had no clue over how to respond and what to do. (he kept on saying that it was "just a joke")

After a while, I told my mum and my stepdad. My stepdad told his mum and they had a huge argument. At the end, his father came and apologised to me. I accepted the apology. After a few days however, he did it again which was when I explicitly offended him and told him never to contact me again. He didn't.
Ever since then, every time I see him in family gatherings, we never speak to each other and I avoid any eye contact.
My family has never spoken of the incident ever since either. Other members of the family don't even know about it so it has been forgotten effectively.

Today, my little (half) sister (7 years old) wanted to have my old mobile phone as I have a new one. My mum said ok and she's only planning on texting her mum, dad, me, but also her grandmother and grandfather (the grandfather being the guy who harassed me). The moment that my mum said that she can text him, I felt a sudden rush of worry and fear. I'm not saying that he WILL harass her, especially as she's so young. But I don't feel comfortable with him being able to text her. He still has contact with her but that's usually when her grandma is present too. In the context of being to text her privately, I worry. And even if he doesn't do anything now, what about in 10 year's time?

Ugh... I can't say anything to my mum or my stepdad even though they were on my side on this. They don't want conflicts in the family and all that stuff, so I understand why this thing was forgotten. I don't have any questions, I guess I just want someone to tell me that it's understandable that I have those feelings and that I should trust my mum and stepdad on this. I feel like I should also check her phone regularly just in case...

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rowan
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Re: Worried about little sister.

Post by rowan » Sat Oct 5, 12:36 2013

EternalBeautyOfTrees wrote:I can't say anything to my mum or my stepdad even though they were on my side on this.
Whether or not they don't want conflicts, your sister is a minor, and this should not be forgotten. It may be all right and it may not be. Someone should be monitoring what is sent to your sister. It may be worth having a general conversation with your sister about what is appropriate and not appropriate anyway, since there's a lot of "sexting" that goes on between kids anyway. She should know that it's never appropriate to receive or send that kind of thing from/to anyone.

Your feelings are totally valid, and I think it's probably important to do something. I think bringing it up as a concern to your mom and stepdad is a perfectly valid thing to do.
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monk
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Re: Worried about little sister.

Post by monk » Sun Oct 6, 7:21 2013

While I know different people have different philosophies on privacy, I believe a any child undesr 12 should have no expectation of any privacy when it involves communications, with family or anybody. Someone should be checking her phone, a parent would be most appropriate and it doesn't matter who she is supposed to be texting. This can usually be done most easily through the web and the phone carrier.
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lovernotafighter
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Re: Worried about little sister.

Post by lovernotafighter » Sun Oct 6, 18:14 2013

I believe that any child under sixteen has no rights to privacy on their phone. With all the chances for abuse out there, children's communication needs to be monitored. After all, children are still children. You are not in the wrong to be worried about your sister. And there is never anything wrong with talking about it, unless you are in an unsafe situation.
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