MGTOW: Rodent flavors

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MFS
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MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by MFS » Mon Jan 8, 19:17 2018

In this edition of My Gerbil Tastes of Walnut, we will explore the texture of gerbil meat, and how best to season it.

1) Better flavor through better feeding

If you want to maximize the taste of your gerbils, you really need to start with their feed. Typical gerbil feed is made of babies and wax covered lemons. This produces a sub-par flavor and often toughens the gerbil steaks. We recommend organic flax seeds, inorganic pencil lead (No.2), and lots and lots of parsnips. If you can land a supplier of Peruvian meta-albino parsnips, that's even better.

Instead of tap or even filtered water, we recommend aged rose water, or an infusion of cucumber and horseraddish to unfiltered mountain stream water from just outside of Glacier National Park (because taking water from the park is illegal, duh).

2) Teach your Gerbil another language

Most gerbils only know English, and speak it very poorly. It is highly recommended to get your gerbil speaking French, or at least Spanish. Other languages that produce a better flavor are Welsh, Finnish, Korean, Klingon, and Yoruba. Avoid German, as this will just make your gerbil angry and/or confused.

3) Avoid Southern California

Los Angeles is a horrible place.

4) Ice Cream

Yeah, ice cream. Because that stuff is already tasty, and because you are what you eat, this must apply to gerbils. And since goat milk ice cream is clearly smuggled from northern California, you will not be in violation of point number 3.

5) This list is the best list ever.

Gerbils. The other, other, other, other, other white/dark meat?
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Plotthickens
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by Plotthickens » Mon Jan 8, 19:37 2018

Any suggestions on marinades?


DaHjaj 'oH QaQ jaj gerbils vISop
DaHjaj 'oH QaQ jaj gerbils vISop

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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by MFS » Mon Jan 8, 19:43 2018

Plotthickens wrote:
Mon Jan 8, 19:37 2018
Any suggestions on marinades?
Personally, a really fruity red wine with a pinch of tumeric and cilantro is best. This works really well if you intend to pan-fry the fillets after coating them in almond flour.
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by DarkOne » Tue Jan 9, 5:46 2018

I'd go sous-vide for optimal, genuine flavor and texture. Except no crispy gerbil skin. So definitely flash freeze and deep fry.

I thought the parodies were a bit exaggerated. They are not. They are about as logical as the real thing. But less painful.
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by Neko » Tue Jan 9, 8:24 2018

MFS wrote:
Mon Jan 8, 19:43 2018
Plotthickens wrote:
Mon Jan 8, 19:37 2018
Any suggestions on marinades?
Personally, a really fruity red wine with a pinch of tumeric and cilantro is best. This works really well if you intend to pan-fry the fillets after coating them in almond flour.
What if one has the genetic condition where cilantro tastes exactly like soap? Does soap pair well with red wine? Asking for a friend.
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by MFS » Tue Jan 9, 14:14 2018

Neko wrote:
Tue Jan 9, 8:24 2018
MFS wrote:
Mon Jan 8, 19:43 2018
Plotthickens wrote:
Mon Jan 8, 19:37 2018
Any suggestions on marinades?
Personally, a really fruity red wine with a pinch of tumeric and cilantro is best. This works really well if you intend to pan-fry the fillets after coating them in almond flour.
What if one has the genetic condition where cilantro tastes exactly like soap? Does soap pair well with red wine? Asking for a friend.
Yes, especially Dove.
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by rowan » Tue Jan 9, 22:34 2018

How aged are we talking on the rose water?
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by MFS » Tue Jan 9, 23:20 2018

rowan wrote:
Tue Jan 9, 22:34 2018
How aged are we talking on the rose water?
Minimum 7 months and 4 days, unless the months span February, then 7 months and 6 days. Don't let it age more than 35 years - it'll get really, really manky.
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by melsbells » Wed Jan 10, 3:19 2018

If gerbils are not available in my location, can I substitute wild lemmings? If so, what can I do to control their diet based flavor?

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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by MFS » Wed Jan 10, 13:36 2018

Lemurs must be taunted daily with insults. Feeding them peppercorns and dried watermelon rinds is important. Realize that lemurs will never achieve the full bodied flavor of a properly raised gerbil, but you can get satisfactory results if you are careful. Never let your lemurs watch Telemundo, this will make them sinewy and bitter.
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by geldofc » Thu Jan 11, 15:20 2018

i have never seen a gerbil irl, because i've lived in california my entire life and all the cool animals (like ferrets too) are illegal here. the pet stores were full of potbellied pigs for a month here for some reason and it was amazing.
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by Bork » Tue Jan 16, 23:03 2018

MFS wrote:
Wed Jan 10, 13:36 2018
Lemurs must be taunted daily with insults. Feeding them peppercorns and dried watermelon rinds is important. Realize that lemurs will never achieve the full bodied flavor of a properly raised gerbil, but you can get satisfactory results if you are careful. Never let your lemurs watch Telemundo, this will make them sinewy and bitter.
YOU MONSTER WHY WOULD YOU EAT A LEMUR???
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Re: MGTOW: Rodent flavors

Post by MFS » Wed Jan 17, 0:01 2018

Because it said lemmings, and I totally didn't pay any attention and propagated the error through to the end. Besides, they like to move it move it.
It's a big world, and it never stays the same.
:spork: :apple: OMG I LOOOVES TO CHANGE MY SIGNATURE!!!!
squeaky: you can take my base, but you can never take my pie

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