My Ectopic Pregnancy

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Mordak

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My Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by Mordak » Sun Jan 21, 6:16 2018

So as some of you awesome 'femmers might have heard, my husband and I suffered an ectopic pregnancy last November. I didn't know I was pregnant. We'd been trying naturally for three years before hand and I was peeing on sticks like it was going out of fashion, but never got that beautiful double line I so badly wanted to see.

It was at my uncle and aunts wedding that the rupture happened, and the day afterwards I passed a huge mass from my vagina over the toilet. I just thought I was having a rough period and that the abdominal swelling was from the hell of a period I had been on for a few weeks. Husband and I joked a few times that maybe I was pregnant because over the space of a couple weeks I ate aaaaall the quiche pies out of our deep-freezer. All of them. Husband didn't even get to eat ONE. I was proud of myself and thought it was kind of hilarious, not knowing that this was my body going "I"M GROWING YOU A HUMAN PLZ EAT THE PROTEIN BIATCH"

So, after we got home from the wedding, and I passed the mass, I passed out and went into shock on the kitchen floor. The first hospital we went to didn't even triage me, and the next day Husband took me on a mad dash to a hospital 200 kilometres away. Within a few minutes, a nurse and doctor came into our room, sat us down and broke the news that we had lost our child and that I would need emergency surgery in half an hour when the specialist would arrive. I will never, ever forget how my Husbands face went immediately pale. I fell into further shock and the surgery happened. First ever time I've been under general anaesthetic and Husband and nurses say for that the entire time I was in recovery I was screaming out "I flushed my baby down the toilet" until the nurses and surgeons broke all protocol and brought my husband in to comfort me while I was distressed and semi conscious. I spent one night in hospital recovering from what turned out to be a surgery that removed a lot of blood, pregnancy material and took out a lot of my reproductive system.

We now have a 10-20% chance of it happening again. My remaining tube isn't in the greatest shape, and the scarring on my uterus from the surgery could cause a uterine rupture if I in future am able to carry a baby. I've got an ovary just floating around down there wondering what's its life purpose is now.

I never thought I would want to be a mum, but three years ago the urges started and Husband and I were so, so looking forward to a day where we'd have a kid calling us mum and dad, not just aunty or uncle, or mrs and mr.

I've gone back on birth control now that I've recovered enough and the external scars are healing. But my skin feels all lumpy and tunneled into. It feels like I have no control of my body all of a sudden, like something incredibly sacred was stolen from me as a cruel joke.

As you can probably tell, we haven't had the greatest support in real life over this other than from our doctors. Has anyone else here on the boards gone through anything like this? I could use a kind ear to talk to, or just to laugh with online over a cup of tea. My Husband and I feel so alone and our parents (even though they have suffered pregnancy loss as well) aren't helping at all. In fact, they've all been pretty awful over it all, like we went out and killed their grandkid on purpose. It's revealed a lot about our families that we wish we never knew, as now we're starting to judge them back like they've done to us.

I love you guys. Like I said, I never thought I'd be posting in the pregnancy forum, let alone to talk about child loss. There's just no one here irl but doctors to talk to about this.
Last edited by Mordak on Tue Jan 23, 3:38 2018, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: My Ectopic Pregancy

Post by Nachos » Sun Jan 21, 14:17 2018

Oh darling! *hugs*
I've never been through this myself but I have people in my family who did and it was a traumatic experience all round. I#m sorry your families are not supporting you through this time. :( But you can talk to me if you need to. xxxxx
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Re: My Ectopic Pregancy

Post by Bork » Sun Jan 21, 21:06 2018

That sounds so incredibly traumatic. I am so sorry that happened to you, and to your husband. I'm so mad that the first hospital you went to didn't even triage you. WTF???? That is horrible, you were in such need for immediate medical attention. Also super fucked up about your parents. You need so much love and support right now, plus you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG.

Lots of love from over here.


Have you tried looking on more pregnancy-specific forums? You might be able to better connect with people who have been through the same thing - although I think there's a lot to say for having such a history and comfort zone here.
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Re: My Ectopic Pregancy

Post by Aum » Mon Jan 22, 1:45 2018

I've always wondered what causes ectopic pregnancy. I know what it is but why do some women get it and others don't?

I'm so sorry for your ordeal... but I'm glad you are alive and made it through. Ectopic pregnancies can kill. Is there any way to have early detection next time? It must be so stressful to know this could happen again!
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Mordak

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Re: My Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by Mordak » Mon Jan 22, 2:58 2018

We have a plan for our next go at parenthood- as soon as we find out we're pregnant we're getting an ultrasound and other specialists basically the same day to see where baby has landed. It's just so un-nerving, knowing that it could happen again. I was pretty much on deaths door when we rocked up at hospital number two. Blood pressure was 60/40 and I was in shock.

Hospital one thought I was a drug seeker as I was so pale, clammy and skinny apart from the belly bloat. They didn't even draw blood or do a urine test, and the male doctor refused to help at all, and told us there was nothing wrong. Thank god for my husband and the fact no cops were around to give us a speeding fine, we made the dash in record time and I imagine if we had been pulled over we would have hada police escort to the hospital anyway.

I guess I could look for other pregnancy forums but spacefem is my happy place and even though we're not as active as we used to be, honestly this is where I feel most comfortable posting. My mum and mil aren't being supportive and the other day my mother in law actually grabbed me by the neck and wrenched my head to tell me to calm down, when I was already as calm as possible. She made it so much worse. The night the rupture happened my sister told me and husband we couldn't stay at her house overnight in the city, so we drove 5 hours home back to our house in the bush with me jumping out of the car to piss and bleed chunks out every now and then. When she found out about the loss, she tried sucking up but it was so god damned obvious she was just trying to absolve her guilt.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Being a grownup sucks. Life seems to always have a curveball ready for me.

Love you guys <3
Last edited by Mordak on Tue Jan 23, 3:39 2018, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: My Ectopic Pregancy

Post by Taurwen » Mon Jan 22, 8:20 2018

I'm sorry Mordak, I know we haven't interacted much but I am truly sorry. I hope you know (in every molecule of your being) that an ectopic pregnancy is in absolutely no fucking way your fault.
There's nothing you did to cause it, nothing you could have done to prevent it. It was just something that happened. It sucks, and isn't fair, and I'm sorry you dealt with it, but it's not your fault.

I also found out the hard way that there are certain hospitals to avoid because they assume everyone is drug seeking. Not in anything nearly as harrowing, just something very very painful (and once they gave me pain killers and I was high as a kite (a state of mind I am NOT used to) they just... Let me wander out of the ER) again, it's unfortunate but some hospitals just suck.

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Re: My Ectopic Pregancy

Post by Sonic# » Mon Jan 22, 11:59 2018

Fuck ectopic pregnancy. :/

I've read other women's accounts of ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages. A common thread is that many people around these women aren't great at offering support or even taking the loss seriously. Culturally these events aren't as well understood or tread as, say, the death of a child. (I don't think our culture is great at handling death in general, so being even less understood than that is pretty fucked up.) All that is to say that you're not alone, and I'm sorry your sister and mother-in-law haven't been more understanding.

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Re: My Ectopic Pregancy

Post by melsbells » Tue Jan 23, 2:14 2018

I'm sorry Mordak. I'm sorry that you had to go through this and I'm sorry that you weren't given the help you needed when you sought it. I went to a clinic two summers ago, where the nurses suspected and checked for ectopic pregnancy. They even opened up the lab for me to do blood work when it wasn't a lab day. They said that urine tests are less reliable for ectopic pregnancies and lots of typical pregnancy signs like a missed period aren't present. I wasn't pregnant, so I didn't have to go through emergency surgery the next day. Waiting for the call was scary.

I hope the day comes when a kid gets to call you "mum" and your husband "dad".

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Re: My Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by Mordak » Tue Jan 23, 3:04 2018

Melsbells, unless you're an expert with a midwifery degree on this kind of stuff please don't try and give any medical advice. Especially to me. I don't care that you weren't pregnant. I'm happy you didn't suffer like I have.

I've been working as a carer for the elderly and doing a nursing degree part time since 2007, in-between juggling real life and my disabilities and internet stalkers.


@Sonic, yeah bud, it sucks. We were really looking forward to being parents this time around but ectopic pregnancies are just fucked. These kind of pregnancies kill. And there's nothing that can save a woman suffering one other than surgery, which really wasn't possible in the old days. It shook me to my core knowing that if I'd waited just a little while longer I'd be dead. In the past, I've wanted to be dead, but not now, and not any time in the future.
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Re: My Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by Sonic# » Tue Jan 23, 5:34 2018

I interpreted Mels as sharing a close call, not giving medical advice?

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Re: My Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by Mordak » Tue Jan 23, 7:47 2018

lolwut? I don't care, they can start their own thread about an imaginary pregnancy they thought they had.

I'm not here to make melsbells feel better about whatever they want. I posted this thread for support for myself, not them.

Sonic, why haven't you replied to any of my private messages?
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Re: My Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by Sonic# » Tue Jan 23, 9:07 2018

I don't think she was seeking comfort from you. I think she was trying to lend support from her own experience, however ill-met that support was.

Just replied to the second one you sent.

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Re: My Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by Mordak » Tue Jan 23, 9:37 2018

No offence Sonic but can you guys please give it a rest and can we get back on topic? I'm not sure you understand where I'm coming from or how I feel, seeing as you're a man from a completely different culture to me, not to mention gender. I've been here for 15 years.

I've also had to suffer through the joys and wonders of post partum depression without a baby to hold. What happened to spacefem being a safe place? I don't need your personal attack or your idea of what you "think" a personal attack is.

I just want to hang out with my friends, enjoy posting and work through my grief with people who actually want to listen, instead of being rude and going offtopic so much.

I've asked melsbells a few times now to leave me alone via private message, by the way. I don't appreciate being ignored by so called "moderators" who allow such trolling and weirdo-ism on the forums without doing anything to stop it.
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Re: My Ectopic Pregnancy

Post by rowan » Tue Jan 23, 14:47 2018

FYI we have a general culture in the pregnancy forum here about sharing similar stories as a way to offer support, and also about giving any medical knowledge that we've come across, since pregnancy is generally not talked about as much as it should be and you find information in random places. Since you haven't been around until now you probably didn't know that, and mels' post is well in line with forum guidelines and norms. Please don't go all mod martyr on us now that you're only just back. This is me as a friend speaking here, not with my modhat on.

I'm sorry for your loss. Ectopic pregnancies are scary, and I would like to go punch that first doctor in the face for you.

PPD is awful too. :( I hope you can get through it.
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