am i allowed to post this? i love you guys.

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Mordak

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am i allowed to post this? i love you guys.

Post by Mordak » Sun Jan 28, 4:28 2018

I'm back, I'm completely lost and I am very confused.

I'm hoping someone saw my last post that was removed (or moved to a different place). I wasn't lying there, but the attacks on certain mods were wrong of me. But you must understand that I got gamer-gated (if you don't know what that is, it's when people online SWAT female online gamers) and that I've had to do far, far, far too much to protect myself and my humans lately. Things on my side of the pond are different. My screens upside-down, remember? I hate being stalked, I hate being harassed online and I felt like my only safe spaces in the world- here, Spacefem.com, and over on DeviantArt, were being invaded by the wrong kind of people and my gut feeling was to just go in PTSD mode. It's not my fault that some of my family have learned how to kick a football properly. It's not my fault that the loony fans think I'm close with them and try to find me wherever I pop up online (trust me, I don't talk to any of my family because I know my family; if you want an autograph you've got a better chance of getting one than me (baabaablacksheep, etc)). I'm older than all my family in the AFL and honestly, I'm glad for them but they don't realise that us on the outskirts are the ones affected most by their fame. Especially me when I'm trying to eek out my own existence as a musician and photographer, in between juggling real life and my disabilities that have gotten to the point where my husband had to quit working to care for me.

There was also a murder in my Husbands family that shook us all to our cores. It was high profile. An amazing man was at the funeral, and we will always be thankful for fighters like him. There's a lot more other stuff that I'll probably vent about in a few weeks, too, seeing as I never seem too far from drama.

Always remember the human behind the screen. I'm a loyal, but very damaged human. It breaks my heart when people harass me- and all you old-timers from the chat days would remember how I used to log on after school to laugh, cry or just talk shit while I coped with my hell of a life way back then.

I came back recently because I needed my friends. I felt like I've been left on the outside. It's me and husbands wedding anniversary today and I've got tears running down my face because I feel like we're all strangers again.

Lets not be strangers. Please accept my apology. I know I was angry, so, so angry. But I got held at gunpoint until the confusion was solved and the truth came out the other day and it ruined my recovery from the pregnancy loss and my latest breakdown. My husband and I are shaken when we should be happy; lost and grieving when we should be celebrating. I know we're mostly satellites just occasionally popping up to go blip across the spacefem sky, but I consider all of you mates. Even the ones with the mod-hat who have helped me rationalise my feelings lately (thankyou for not ban-hammering me)

<3 Mordak and her husband. Thankyou for everything. I hope you don't mind but I'd like to never leave. It's been 15 years of laughter and tears and friendship with you all, and I appreciate every single piece of advice you've ever given me. You have no idea how much you've all helped me.

edit: I carnt shpel gud.
editedit: I still carnt shpel gud.
editeditedit: this ones just for shits and giggles.
Last edited by Mordak on Fri Feb 2, 7:58 2018, edited 4 times in total.
Seasons don't fear the reaper... but everyone else fucking does. #metoomanytimes
:australia: :australia: :australia: :drool: :schoolbus:

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DolphinLover
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Re: am i allowed to post this? i love you guys.

Post by DolphinLover » Sun Jan 28, 9:44 2018

Welcome back. We all inevitably may do something at some point we regret but the process of recognizing this and learning from the experience will only leave us stronger.

I've read enough articles on "swatting" to know such an incident could have meant you wouldn't even be posting now. You're still here and spacefem.com is still here and we're still here for you.

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Mordak

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Re: am i allowed to post this? i love you guys.

Post by Mordak » Sun Jan 28, 10:10 2018

It was horrific. Absolutely horrific. I hope the police can trace the calls and my husband and I can get justice. There are really no words to describe what my husband and I have gone through lately, but soon enough I'm sure I'll be able to describe in more detail what's been going on. Life went and got really strange over the past few years. Wonderful, but strange, too.

It's really good to see you here DL. I've been back for only a week or so after going awol for... umm... quite a while. Here's hoping a few others start coming home to roost too, in our little happy spots that the newbies can't find <3
Seasons don't fear the reaper... but everyone else fucking does. #metoomanytimes
:australia: :australia: :australia: :drool: :schoolbus:

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Tweek
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Re: am i allowed to post this? i love you guys.

Post by Tweek » Sun Jan 28, 12:31 2018

I for one am glad you returned; I just wish things had been going better for you. I hope those responsible for the upset are caught and things are better from now on.
ARG!!! I NEED COFFEE!!!

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Mordak

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Re: am i allowed to post this? i love you guys.

Post by Mordak » Mon Jan 29, 2:27 2018

You have no idea how glad I am when you pop up Mr Tweekums. Hoping bonny old England is still treating you well. Hubby and I managed to find a place and settled down back in my old home-town out bush before I had to move for high-school. Apart from every man and their dog having a stickybeak when we got swatted the other day, it's been lovely.

Things can only get better from here on in. Husband and I were joking last night while we celebrated our wedding anniversary that we got all the hard stuff over with quickly, and thank God for that!
Seasons don't fear the reaper... but everyone else fucking does. #metoomanytimes
:australia: :australia: :australia: :drool: :schoolbus:

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