Motherhood and Career Derailment

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DarkOne
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Motherhood and Career Derailment

Post by DarkOne » Wed Apr 11, 10:05 2018

I won't bore you with the details, but after I had kids I made the conscious decision to let my career take a backseat in my life. It was tough because I am a big nerd, but I am at peace with my choice. I admire the women who have the drive and resources to "have it all" and pull it off magnificently, and the ones who don't pull it off so magnificently but still have it in them to try. I'm not one of those -- I kind of let myself get derailed.

But I'm stoked because for the first time in a long time I'm back to feeling relevant and empowered without feeling like I need to wear myself down. And for the first time in about 5 yrs I'm traveling for work, which I always found fun! So yea, I'm :dance2:.

Anyone else want to share stories of (voluntary, semi-voluntary or involuntary) career derailment and parenthood? Fears, concerns, frustrations, anxieties, tips, successes, strategies?
Last edited by DarkOne on Wed Apr 11, 19:59 2018, edited 1 time in total.
"Winston Churchill once said 'The eyes are the windows of your face.' " -A man who's very scared of plants.

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Enigma
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Re: Motherhood and Career Derailment

Post by Enigma » Wed Apr 11, 18:06 2018

I don't have any stories (or children) yet. But I definitely have anxieties about the future with this. I'm hoping to have kids soon and honestly we're so stressed right now that if we do have them something else is going to have to drop at least for a bit. I'm hoping that it doesn't end up being my career but it might be. My job is more flexible than my partner's so I'll probably end up needing to use that flex. I do wish it was easier to find work/life balance. It seems like the options are an interesting job that tries to kill you or nothing.
"Human beings are amazing... we might be horrible, horrible, but we're wonderful too. Otherwise, why go on?"

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Re: Motherhood and Career Derailment

Post by melsbells » Wed Apr 18, 12:27 2018

I've yet to have a career, but there was certainly derailment of current projects when we had our unintended kid. We had been living on a patch of forest and in the process of converting it to still forest but a more live-able long term situation. We even had delusions that we would be able to stay there, doing forestry with a baby lugged along. Lack of transportation and distance to emergency services convinced us to relocate. We just got back onto some land 4 years later, but we're overall in a better position to do what we were working toward now. In the meantime, the relocation derailment also allowed me to learn Finnish with classmates and get some instruction (in Finnish) to hone some fiber skills, maybe even feel more at home in this country. The advice that spouse keeps repeating to me is to always find something to learn from a situation, even if I think I already know everything there is to get out of it. That has helped me be in that better position now as mentioned.

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Re: Motherhood and Career Derailment

Post by rowan » Thu Apr 19, 13:45 2018

I had my kid during a career derailment period, I figured why not, better then than other times. I'm not sure I'd recommend it as a strategy but it worked out ok. I think the career derailment was hard on me, not because of the kid, but because it was unintended (and came with some attached PTSD) which made mothering hard due to the depression and PTSD from the previous situation? I still feel like I'm not always a great mom even though I try my hardest. :(
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