<-- Back to week 17 | On to week 19 -->
So my aunts had this silly pencil test and told me I was having a boy. I felt like I was having a boy, I live in a world surrounded by men, I had boy dreams, my mom had boy dreams. And then what happened? The ultrasound tech thinks it's a girl. And when I say "think", I mean "she was pretty sure". Even made us a printed photo of a crotch-looking shot with text saying "IT'S A GIRL!"
I was in shock! I mean seriously, I'd really gotten in a mental state that we were going to see some boy parts, and when she told us and I asked if she was SURE I felt really bad for even making a big deal about it, or thinking about it period. Why did I ever want a girl, or a boy? What do I think I'm getting with either one?
I've never been a fan of community posts referring to "team blue!" or "team pink!". Is there a law that because a baby is coming equipped with a vagina, she's going to love pink? What do we think these organs are telling us about the people we're making? And just to be clear... sex and gender are different. At any time our little ones might not be so interested in equating his/her sex with a pre-determined society-accepted role.
The only real reason I'm glad we learned our baby was a girl is that referring to her as "she" has been more comforting and personal then "it". That's a defect of the english language.
But the rest of the ultrasound was lovely and fun, the pictures on a video screen turn out much better than still images, you can really make things out better. Our baby has all the parts I'd hoped for... legs, arms, toes, a brain, ears, eyes, stomach, heart with four chambers (so it's not an amphibian!). Her mouth was moving a lot, like she was chewing... or (I'm afraid) practicing to do a lot of mouth-running later in life. I thought she looked kinda leggy. The tech said she was measuring a little big... about what a 20W fetus would, but I'm only at 19W, she said that wasn't a huge deal but the baby probably won't be born small. I figured as much.
My father-in-law spends a lot of time with the kid, mostly by choice. I sometimes wish we had more of a schedule, because at the moment, naps and bedtime are the only semi-guaranteed breaks for anyone. My spouse and father-in-law both work from home free-lance, so they don't actually have a schedule for when they need to be left alone, but at least my father-in-law has more warning with jobs scheduled out in advance.
I'm sorry for your loss. Ectopic pregnancies are scary, and I would like to go punch that first doctor in the face for you.
PPD is awful too.
When I worked in a biligual Kita, the kids picked up loads from simply being read to and pointing out the different things. Sometimes a question came up ("that is a pferd", "it's called horse in English", "ok horse") and it's good to know both languages to understand what the kid is saying, but reading is a good together activity
I would say its very important, because what you learn shapes and molds yours views that make you who you are.
Aum, my partner and I were just discussing this. He was surprised by my taking the hard line that stopping BC or poking holes in condoms or something like that is rape, making the woman a rapist. Which should result in jail time, so she should lose custody, which should go to the father and now he has the choice of keeping the baby or putting them up for adoption.
It's unfortunate that you can't prove such a thing, but hopefully if it was actually taken seriously women would be less likely to do it because it would at least be explicitly called rape.
I understand how the justice system and the family courts would look at it. They see it as the man's sperm made it to the egg so somehow he wasn't protecting himself, he made the choice, yada yada. There's no way to prove that the woman was manipulative, withdrew BC, or "poked holes in the condom" (I think that's unheard of, but anyway).
I topped baby off tonight. He straight up drank 7 ounces of formula after his prunes. If he's an infiltrator, he's eating well for it.
I am still dealing with the fact that your 11 year old is an actual 11 year old.
If a boy who has a penis asks if he's a boy and you don't just say yes, then that's straight up lunacy.
What he decides to do with that boyhood or how he dresses is up to him. But if you're born with a penis you're a boy.
Making it airy fairy when, statistically, scientifically, less than 1% of 1% of children born have true gender dysphoria, is immoral and wrong. It's also a sign of our troubled times.
This is just my anecdotal experience but...
I have experienced bullying based on simply engaging in normal children's play with girls. Insults were attacks on both me and the girls. But I NEVER questioned my gender as a male. So if a child asks me if he's a boy and was identified biologically as one, I am going to question what influences are on the child before I answer.