Spacefem's Weekly Wikipedia Pregnancy Blog: 25 weeks pregnant

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This week's articles

Month Week Day Article
5 25W,0D 175Annie Altschul
5 25W,1D 176Home birth
5 25W,2D 177Carmel Hanna
5 25W,3D 178Frances Oldham Kelsey
5 25W,4D 179Lamaze
5 25W,5D 180Bradley method of natural childbirth
5 25W,6D 181Hypnobirthing

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I really believe in having a plan for labor. I had an unmedicated birth and would recommend that, but I'm not militant about it. To prepare, I read Natural Childbirth the Bradley way and took a six-week Lamaze class through my hospital (the Bradley method book says to never take a hospital class, but oh well).

Why I went natural: I personally suspect that epidurals mess with your brain using pain receptors to regulate the pace of birth. This leads to doctors wanting to speed things up with pitocin, which increases your pain so you need more medication, which slows labor down so they need more pitocin, eventually putting the fetus in distress so you need an emergency c-section for the baby's safety. This is known as the "cascade of intervention".

I also wanted freedom to move around, feel like myself, feel like I was in control of the situation.

I did not go natural because I wanted some stoic medal of honor for toughness, or because I was afraid the epidural would kill me or leave me paralyzed. Yes epidurals have side effects but so does childbirth in general, I don't think this is a decision anyone should make based on fear.

I will say that the baby I gave birth to was incredibly alert. She was actually trying to push herself up with her arms when they put her on my chest, lift her head up, move around. She nursed like crazy... latched right on and we never had breastfeeding issues. Her eyes were wide open for a good hour or two after she was born, just taking everything in. I don't know if that's totally because of the unmedicated birth, but it didn't hurt.

I go back and forth between calling it "natural" or "unmedicated". I've heard it said that the only "unnatural" birth would be one where the baby comes out through your nose.

Anyway back to methods... the Bradley Method teaches that if you get pain relief, it's because your methods and teaching have failed you. YOU are not a failure, you're a woman in labor doing what's best for you and your baby and that's fine. But whatever class or method you used deserves a frowny face, and they talk a lot of smack on Lamaze for not keeping track of how many women actually get what they originally wanted. Lamaze teaches that you have to do what's right for you, if you want the epidural then ask for it.

Both methods teach about epidurals. I mean obviously you have to know about them in case you need a cesarean. But the Bradley Method is a lot more militant about avoiding them.

Other differences between Bradley and Lamaze: Bradley method only teaches slow deep breathing, Lamaze teaches faster lighter variations to distract you a bit. I figure it doesn't hurt to have an extra tool in the toolbox. Bradley method encourages a lot of laying down and focusing inward, Lamaze doesn't talk much about laying down and relaxing unless you have to, you learn about a lot more positions to keep labor moving along. The Bradley method seems to assume that if you can relax as much as possible, it lets your body do the work for you and that's how things move along. Nothing keeping me from trying both techniques.

So where was I on the natural childbirth scale? Well in class, we were all given a scrap of paper and asked to put down a number about how we felt about getting medicated. 1 meant you'd like to feel no pain, the anesthesiologist should come to your house two weeks before your due date if possible. 10 meant you'd go into a c-section without so much as a tylenol. I put down an 8. Which to me means that I really, really wanted to do this without medication. I read so many positive birth stories involving natural birth. I loved the idea that I could be in whatever position I want to be in the whole time, have fewer monitors, fewer side effects, my recovery could be faster and I'll be more in control of the pushing. What's more, it seems like the women who get natural births aren't magic special women, they just put a lot of prep work and determination into it. AND what really made up my mind is that I've heard from lots of women who've done it both ways, and all the ones I've heard from so far say they preferred it unmedicated.

It's tough to talk about, because you get all these knowing smiles from people who tell you "Don't feel bad when you ask for the epidural!" I won't, okay? But why do people have to be so condescending? It's seriously just like telling newlyweds, "Don't feel bad if you get a divorce!" I mean, you're preparing them, telling them that not everything is in their control, looking at the statistics and stating the obvious. But it's NOT WHAT THEY WANT so it's a horrible thing to say! It doesn't cost you anything to be supportive.

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Recent Comments

For more support, encouragement, Q&A, you are invited to join our pregnancy forum. We are dedicated to answering complicated questions as logically as we possibly can.

learning to read

Sat Feb 2 11:42 AM by melsbells in Pregnancy & Parenting

Spacefem, thanks for the book suggestions.

Sonic, I like the way you described the sound a letter makes.



I asked a few early elementary school teachers I know this same question and wanted to share a bit of what they had to say.

They recommended starting with consonant-vowel-consonant words (CVC) with short vowel sounds, and focus on rhyming families (i.e. bat, cat, fat) and even including first consonant changes that don't make real words, like 'gat'. Then later introduce CVC with last letter changes (i.e. bad, bar, bat). They said we could try sight words at the same time and told me to do a search for the Fry sight word list.

After those CVC words aren't a problem, it was suggested to start adding an 'e' at the end of CVC words to change the vowel sound, an the meaning of the words, so introducing long vowels (i.e. cap->cape). Then after all that, we can start adding two consonants together and two vowels together. From there maybe come up with homonyms together, which can be a great way to introduce silent letters (i.e. new, knew).


How important is school?

Thu Nov 22 9:05 PM by Skeezy in Pregnancy & Parenting

I think the most important factor in any school is how much the teachers care about the students. Another important element is safety and how interactions between students can substract from learning. Many parents go to jail for quite lengthy sentences for trying to send to their kids to a safe good school.



I would say its very important, because what you learn shapes and molds yours views that make you who you are.


Unplanned, polyamorous pregnancy situation

Sun Apr 29 12:18 PM by metawidget in Pregnancy & Parenting

I'm glad you have been communicating and working things out. I wish you lots of health and love as you wrote the next chapter of this story.


I might be pregnant...

Fri Jan 5 3:16 AM by Aum in Pregnancy & Parenting


Aum, my partner and I were just discussing this. He was surprised by my taking the hard line that stopping BC or poking holes in condoms or something like that is rape, making the woman a rapist. Which should result in jail time, so she should lose custody, which should go to the father and now he has the choice of keeping the baby or putting them up for adoption.

It's unfortunate that you can't prove such a thing, but hopefully if it was actually taken seriously women would be less likely to do it because it would at least be explicitly called rape.


I understand how the justice system and the family courts would look at it. They see it as the man's sperm made it to the egg so somehow he wasn't protecting himself, he made the choice, yada yada. There's no way to prove that the woman was manipulative, withdrew BC, or "poked holes in the condom" (I think that's unheard of, but anyway).


When do you outsource parenting?

Sat Oct 14 7:47 PM by rowan in Pregnancy & Parenting

yeah I do a ton of supplemental history... :(


Sleep for babies after 6 months

Thu Jan 10 1:30 AM by Sonic# in Pregnancy & Parenting

Thank you for the stories. I try not to get caught up in comparisons, but it's so hard when someone else is like, "Oh yeah, they're sleeping through the night after six months, no problem!" and we're nudging each other when it's our turn to get up at night almost every night. Did I do something wrong? (The answer is probably no, but a lack of sleep makes it harder to get there mentally.)



I topped baby off tonight. He straight up drank 7 ounces of formula after his prunes. If he's an infiltrator, he's eating well for it. :)


How the 2nd pregnancy / labor was different from the first

Thu Sep 27 8:20 PM by antfancier in Pregnancy & Parenting

I haven’t been around for a long time, but I’m back and pregnant again. Only 6 weeks, so I can’t really comment much, but this time around it has been easier so far. Not easy, but considering I’m working and have a 2.5yr old (neither of which applied to last pregnancy), I thought I’d feel much worse. I still have ALL the symptoms and they all started at 3 weeks, just like last time (and the same as a chemical pregnancy I had too) but they don’t seem to be as constant as before. I’m really glad about that! The only thing that’s worse is back ache, ligament pain, general body aches. I assume it’s because my body is already exhausted and broken from my toddler.


posting pictures of kids and privacy

Wed Apr 25 7:29 AM by juliabonl17 in Pregnancy & Parenting

Usually, we don't share photos of our children in social media. Sometimes I can send some photos to close friends. I keep my personal life in quiet. Share with family only.


I had my 2nd baby!!!!

Wed Jan 3 8:21 PM by MFS in Pregnancy & Parenting

OMG BABY!



I am still dealing with the fact that your 11 year old is an actual 11 year old.


on being semi-pregnant

Tue Oct 3 7:18 PM by geldofc in Pregnancy & Parenting

congratulations!! i've never been pregnant but i'm jealous. i'm having baby fever lately.


kids' mail subscriptions

Wed Jan 9 6:41 PM by melsbells in Pregnancy & Parenting

We got the first box last week. Kid wanted to do the whole thing in one sitting, which was tough. He has a hard time stopping something, even when it's obvious he needs a break. He doesn't have the best conception of time yet either and kept talking about the box that would come tomorrow. So getting something once a month might help pin down the passage of time. As far as my concerns, we had a great opportunity (when he was disappointed that the Europe page didn't say anything about Finland) to talk about how a single page on a whole continent or even an individual country can't tell us what a place and culture is like. Bavaria was mentioned, so we also got to talk about how our German friend feels when people only think of Bavarian things when thinking of Germany, which she doesn't feel a connection to.


housemates + newborn = ?

Thu Aug 2 11:57 AM by melsbells in Pregnancy & Parenting

I live with my in-laws, and while there will certainly be a lot of differences from your situation, maybe there's enough similarities that my experience could be useful to you. I think the biggest thing is that everyone has their own space. Our house is sort of divided in two, so we can take the kid to our end during a tantrum. I think that distance helps, not just with in-laws not wanting to hear screaming, but as a sort of physical signal for the kid to calm down. We lived in an apartment when the kid was first born and our neighbors there probably heard more screaming/crying due to proximity.



My father-in-law spends a lot of time with the kid, mostly by choice. I sometimes wish we had more of a schedule, because at the moment, naps and bedtime are the only semi-guaranteed breaks for anyone. My spouse and father-in-law both work from home free-lance, so they don't actually have a schedule for when they need to be left alone, but at least my father-in-law has more warning with jobs scheduled out in advance.


My Ectopic Pregnancy

Tue Jan 23 8:47 PM by rowan in Pregnancy & Parenting

FYI we have a general culture in the pregnancy forum here about sharing similar stories as a way to offer support, and also about giving any medical knowledge that we've come across, since pregnancy is generally not talked about as much as it should be and you find information in random places. Since you haven't been around until now you probably didn't know that, and mels' post is well in line with forum guidelines and norms. Please don't go all mod martyr on us now that you're only just back. This is me as a friend speaking here, not with my modhat on.



I'm sorry for your loss. Ectopic pregnancies are scary, and I would like to go punch that first doctor in the face for you.



PPD is awful too. :( I hope you can get through it.


gender recognition

Thu Nov 2 1:03 PM by Nech in Pregnancy & Parenting


You can continue discussing with him the difference of a boy and a girl. Have him socialize too with the same gender. There's nothing wrong if you have go with opposite sex as long as he understands what/who he is.


So do you feel hanging out with the opposite gender at a young age can confuse a person's gender identity?


leftist parenting and gender [split from gender recognition]

Sat Sep 23 11:52 AM by Unvoiced_Apollo in Pregnancy & Parenting


gender recognition.">



If a boy who has a penis asks if he's a boy and you don't just say yes, then that's straight up lunacy.



What he decides to do with that boyhood or how he dresses is up to him. But if you're born with a penis you're a boy.



Making it airy fairy when, statistically, scientifically, less than 1% of 1% of children born have true gender dysphoria, is immoral and wrong. It's also a sign of our troubled times.


This is just my anecdotal experience but...



I have experienced bullying based on simply engaging in normal children's play with girls. Insults were attacks on both me and the girls. But I NEVER questioned my gender as a male. So if a child asks me if he's a boy and was identified biologically as one, I am going to question what influences are on the child before I answer.