Spacefem's Weekly Wikipedia Pregnancy Blog: 33 weeks pregnant0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42
I like being pregnant most of the time, let me say that and get it out of the way. But it's been a depressing week for some reason. I'm tired of people seeing me as "the pregnant woman", instead of just ME. There are some gals in the office who ask every day how "our baby" is doing, even though our baby doesn't change a whole lot from day to day so I'm totally out of amusing responses. We had a housewarming party, and way too many people brought sparkling grape juice instead of wine (I would have been just fine stockpiling the bottles, really, I LOVE WINE I CAN'T WAIT TO DRINK WINE AGAIN!).
I feel emotional. At work someone from another building had to come see me, and while we were talking one of my office mates came and greeted her and said, "Oh you came over to talk to our pregnant one!" and I seriously almost burst into tears. But I didn't of course, not at the office, I came home and burst into tears which I consider a big accomplishment.
People are excited for me and I should appreciate that and this makes me feel like a horrible person for not appreciating it, I just sometimes long for an escape, because I really liked my not-pregnant self and feel like she's been EATEN or something. I should be happy for being healthy, should be happy because this is what I wanted, etc... but I used to be happy for other reasons and I miss those. It's like it doesn't matter how I want people to see me, because no one could possibly see past my hugeness. I have no control.
I used to measure myself and take pictures every 3-4 weeks and I've totally stopped that. I wonder if I'll regret it, if I'll want these memories? I just don't feel cute right now.
The History of breastfeeding has been tragic at a lot of times. In my own family, I had a great-aunt who wanted to breastfeed, but her doctor told her most women didn't make milk that was "good enough". He asked her to bring in a sample of her milk after she had the baby. She did. He held it up to the light and sighed and said, "See how thin this is? That can't possibly sustain a baby!"
We came within a generation of almost losing breastfeeding forever. I'm glad someone saved it.
Another topic... there's no article for this but every weekly pregnancy blog has the obligatory "pack your hospital bag!" post so I should probably say something about that. Oh, except I didn't pack my hospital bag. My husband packed my hospital bag, while I was in labor. That's probably not a strategy most people think is a good idea, but it worked for us! I was just so convinced I'd go past my due date, I didn't want that neatly packed back staring me in the face saying "IT'S TIME" every day after 37 weeks, you know?
So I made a list of things I wanted in the bag, got the bag out, put the list in the bag. I also bought things we wanted to buy for the bag... fruit snacks, granola bars, sports drink mixes. I put the hard to find stuff, like my massager, in there. Incidently we didn't touch any of that stuff. When I was in labor I was in no mood to eat, and forgot about the massager entirely. We live pretty close to our hospital so I guess I didn't think the hospital bag was that important, and to be honest, I was probably right.<-- Back to week 32 | On to week 34 -->