Had a baby shower this week with the in-town friends. My sister and BFF put it on and did a fantastic job, the food was awesome. We played a game... "pin the fetus on the spacefem", featuring a big poster of me and cute little laminated cramped-for-space cartoon fetuses. Silly! And it wasn't about poop or eating gross baby food, so I feel good.
Nursing bras are a topic this week: another one of my "don't stock up on anything" items. Get one or two, definitely, make sure they fit you now. But your body goes through so many crazy changes after childbirth there's no point in having a week's worth of one size of one brand.
Get some nursing pads now, I got some washable ones at Target. In the early days they help absorb any leaking, and then afterwards I just liked them because I felt like I could wear the same bra a few days in a row with just fresh nursing pads.
Earlier in here I mentioned that we occasionally co-sleep with the baby. Here's the story of our sleeping:
When we brought Jo home from the hospital we put her by our bed in an Arm's Reach cosleeper we'd borrowed from a friend. Around three months old, she started sleeping through the night.
Around four months old, she stopped sleeping through the night. Actually I think she stopped sleeping period. I'd lay there and listen to her grunt and ooch around, not wanting to rush to her at the first hint that she might be waking up, and finally said "enough, she's going to her crib!". That 30 minutes she spent ooching was 30 minutes I wanted to be sleeping undisturbed... I did not want to wake up unless she was crying. I've heard that transitioning a baby to a crib in her room can be emotional for moms. It wasn't for me, because I did it during a week where (I'll be honest) I didn't really like her that much.
The only problem with the crib was the transition back to it after a midnight feeding. There was always a risk that we'd lay her back in the crib and she'd wake right up. But by this time, she was big enough I felt okay having her in our bed, even with the blankets and pillows we had. I could nurse her laying on my side, and then just leave her there and go back to sleep, and she'd stay asleep because I wasn't moving her.
And so the pendulum started. She always started out in her crib every night, but after that it was "flip a coin". If she slept with us, she'd wake up more often, nurse more often, drive me crazy more often. But she'd sleep. And I didn't have to go far to get her, I didn't have to completely wake up, just roll over and nurse. I never did figure out what I liked better, cosleeping or the crib. It just depended on the week.
Any way we do it, I can say one crazy thing: I got more sleep as a new mom than I did as a pregnant woman. I know, it's weird, but I had MEGA pregnancy insomnia. I slept in my second trimester, and that was about it. 1st & 3rd were very groggy times for me, I'd frequently toss until 11 or 12 trying to get comfortable, only to wake up at 4am and be totally unable to get to sleep. Don't tell anyone this, but there were a few times at work that I pretty much passed out on my desk, snapped up, and went to find an empty conference room to "stretch out". With the door locked. And the lights off. And it took like 30-45 minutes. And I didn't move off the floor.
I never sunk that low as a new mom... Josie's "I'm not sleeping" phase lasted about six weeks, but I was on maternity leave and could nap during the day. She continued to wake up periodically at night to nurse, but after feeding her I'd just flip back over and doze off again.
So I have a special hatred in me for anyone who tells a pregnant woman to rest up. If you say pregnancy kept you up, and someone replies with a cutesy, "It's just training for the baby!" you have my special permission to slap them.
I topped baby off tonight. He straight up drank 7 ounces of formula after his prunes. If he's an infiltrator, he's eating well for it.
I am still dealing with the fact that your 11 year old is an actual 11 year old.
My father-in-law spends a lot of time with the kid, mostly by choice. I sometimes wish we had more of a schedule, because at the moment, naps and bedtime are the only semi-guaranteed breaks for anyone. My spouse and father-in-law both work from home free-lance, so they don't actually have a schedule for when they need to be left alone, but at least my father-in-law has more warning with jobs scheduled out in advance.
I'm sorry for your loss. Ectopic pregnancies are scary, and I would like to go punch that first doctor in the face for you.
PPD is awful too.
You can continue discussing with him the difference of a boy and a girl. Have him socialize too with the same gender. There's nothing wrong if you have go with opposite sex as long as he understands what/who he is.
So do you feel hanging out with the opposite gender at a young age can confuse a person's gender identity?
If a boy who has a penis asks if he's a boy and you don't just say yes, then that's straight up lunacy.
What he decides to do with that boyhood or how he dresses is up to him. But if you're born with a penis you're a boy.
Making it airy fairy when, statistically, scientifically, less than 1% of 1% of children born have true gender dysphoria, is immoral and wrong. It's also a sign of our troubled times.
This is just my anecdotal experience but...
I have experienced bullying based on simply engaging in normal children's play with girls. Insults were attacks on both me and the girls. But I NEVER questioned my gender as a male. So if a child asks me if he's a boy and was identified biologically as one, I am going to question what influences are on the child before I answer.
I would say its very important, because what you learn shapes and molds yours views that make you who you are.
Aum, my partner and I were just discussing this. He was surprised by my taking the hard line that stopping BC or poking holes in condoms or something like that is rape, making the woman a rapist. Which should result in jail time, so she should lose custody, which should go to the father and now he has the choice of keeping the baby or putting them up for adoption.
It's unfortunate that you can't prove such a thing, but hopefully if it was actually taken seriously women would be less likely to do it because it would at least be explicitly called rape.
I understand how the justice system and the family courts would look at it. They see it as the man's sperm made it to the egg so somehow he wasn't protecting himself, he made the choice, yada yada. There's no way to prove that the woman was manipulative, withdrew BC, or "poked holes in the condom" (I think that's unheard of, but anyway).
I found this article (
The findings suggest that solo motherhood, in itself, does not result in psychological problems for children.
The lit review at the beginning of the article adds some specificity here. What seems hard on kids is not single parenthood itself; it's often the divorce that results in a single parent being involved.
Then there are people who become single parents, but not by choice. That's also rough, often because these parents lack the financial stability and stability to do well. So the article is really looking at
These studies have consistently shown that children whose parents divorce are more likely to show emotional and behavioral problems than are children in intact families (Amato, 2000, 2001, 2005; Coleman & Glenn, 2009; Hetherington & Stanley-Hagan, 1999; Pryor & Rodgers, 2001). However, the children’s difficulties appear to be largely associated with aspects of the divorce, rather than single-parenthood, in itself. single parents by choice